More On Bathroom Behavior

Men's restroom behavior is something I'll never really understand. Yeah, I know, I'm a guy, but I gotta say that guys have some really weird habits involving the bathroom. I've talked about a few of the before, but I ran in to another one this morning that really irked me for some reason.

It seems that many men are always in a rush. Zooming from one thing to another with such speed that it's hard for the rest of us to comprehend what it is the speedster is doing in the first place. Sadly for these men, that behavior translates to the bathroom as well. They run in, get their business done, and fly out the door as fast as they can, like it's a challenge for them.

This particular behavior is exacerbated at the office. When I need to use the restroom, I get up and make my way to the facilities. I might stop and BS with someone who's desk is along the way, or I'll try to combine objectives and fill up on water or coffee, but it's a normal paced activity for me. By contrast, I see other guys in my office that get up and practically run to the john. They unzip their pants as soon as they open the bathroom door and head directly to the urinal, and damn you if you're in the way. While they are realiving themselves, it's almost as if they are trying to force the piss out of themselves faster than it's flowing. Once done, they race to the sink, rinse their hands off (gotta give at least the pretense that you wash your hands) and grab a paper towel or two to dry off on their way back to their desk. It's as if they have a stop watch at their desk trying to best their own personal time each bathroom run.

Personally, I enjoy my time in the restroom. It's time away from work, from ringing phones and annoying emails. I look at is as releasing bad things from my body, be they physical or emotional. Yeah, I know, way meta for the bathroom, but I suppose that's my point. I don't know what the driving factor is to be so rushed. Sure, on occasion, you have a meeting to get to or a deadline, blah blah blah, who cares about the exceptions. I'm talking everyday. Are they worried that if they aren't act their desk pretending to work they'll get canned? Maybe they're afraid they'll miss that one magical email that says "free promotion to the first person that rings the bell in my office"?

I say screw it all and enjoy your time away from the desk. It's not as if 95% of these guys have something THAT important that they can't be bothered by their bodily functions. If momma nature is giving you a gentle nudge to get away from what you're doing, you should take that as a sign, not an irritation!

Macho Is Gay: Why Macho Men Are More Gay Than They Think

I've been tossing around an idea lately: is Macho really just homo-erotic? Originally, the thought was is macho the new homo-erotic, but when I started looking at it, it doesn't appear to be a new thing at all.

Here's what got me thinking about it. Urinals. Most of them are giant troughs, others are holes in a wall with what amounts to a piece of cardboard between the two people at the stall, but in either case, the point is to whip out your junk, do your business, and try as hard as possible to not look at the other dudes. Why not just build real stalls with walls if you didn't want to have the possibility of taking a peek? You see, the "macho" thing to do is stand there with your wanker hanging in the open, unbothered by the fact that everyone can see you in all your glory (or shame, I suppose that depends on you), but also assume that no one would ever look. Ironically, this flaunting of ones genitailia in a public manor with the pretense that no one should look at it, but all are able to, is pretty freaking gay.

Which leads me to men's showers in gyms and such. Very few actually have stalls and/or curtains. Yet again, the "macho" thing to do is shower with abandon, flaunting but assuming no one is looking. Also, very gay.

Add to that flavor that many gay men seem to fetish-ize Macho actions and men, going so far as putting ads out for "str8 acting bois" (penis+man booty=not str8… just sayin…), and you have a pretty curious mix of what it means to be macho and what it means to be homo-erotic. It's a little blurry, if you ask me.