Stay The Hell Away From Me, Tiny Dancer

Look, I was raised on Elton John. I grew up listening to a lot of his music because my dad loved him, and with me being a little 'mo in training Elton and I were natural fits.

I'm sad to say though that I've had a falling out with Elton lately. Not only have his records been only slightly above acceptable when they use to be stellar, but some of his more public decisions have baffled me. Like when he performed with hate-mongerer Eminem on stage and then hugged which, which none of that bothered me so much as that he then failed to push Eminem to the ground and kick him a few times. Elton claimed that he supported artistic freedom and blah, blah, blah.... I stopped listening because I could only imagine that the guy secretly likes being beaten by anti-gay bigots.

Well, now he's come out with this deliriously less-than-educated quotation:

"We're not married. Let's get that right. We have a civil partnership. What is wrong with Proposition 8 is that they went for marriage. Marriage is going to put a lot of people off, the word marriage.

I don't want to be married. I'm very happy with a civil partnership. If gay people want to get married, or get together, they should have a civil partnership... The word 'marriage,' I think, puts a lot of people off.

You get the same equal rights that we do when we have a civil partnership. Heterosexual people get married. We can have civil partnerships."

That's right Elton, we really should just settle for second-class citizenship. We gays have no reason to actually want marriage, we're just being uppity. Listen, Elton... sweety. I think it's time that someone told you that you don't need to speak out at every possible occasion against your own people. I know you came out and all and have that cute domestic partnership thingy that's kind of like a marriage but not, but your opinion isn't helping. Anyone. So why don't you go back into the studio and attempt to write another album that's worth a damn, and maybe the gays will learn to forgive you your ignorance in time.