More On Bathroom Behavior

Men's restroom behavior is something I'll never really understand. Yeah, I know, I'm a guy, but I gotta say that guys have some really weird habits involving the bathroom. I've talked about a few of the before, but I ran in to another one this morning that really irked me for some reason.

It seems that many men are always in a rush. Zooming from one thing to another with such speed that it's hard for the rest of us to comprehend what it is the speedster is doing in the first place. Sadly for these men, that behavior translates to the bathroom as well. They run in, get their business done, and fly out the door as fast as they can, like it's a challenge for them.

This particular behavior is exacerbated at the office. When I need to use the restroom, I get up and make my way to the facilities. I might stop and BS with someone who's desk is along the way, or I'll try to combine objectives and fill up on water or coffee, but it's a normal paced activity for me. By contrast, I see other guys in my office that get up and practically run to the john. They unzip their pants as soon as they open the bathroom door and head directly to the urinal, and damn you if you're in the way. While they are realiving themselves, it's almost as if they are trying to force the piss out of themselves faster than it's flowing. Once done, they race to the sink, rinse their hands off (gotta give at least the pretense that you wash your hands) and grab a paper towel or two to dry off on their way back to their desk. It's as if they have a stop watch at their desk trying to best their own personal time each bathroom run.

Personally, I enjoy my time in the restroom. It's time away from work, from ringing phones and annoying emails. I look at is as releasing bad things from my body, be they physical or emotional. Yeah, I know, way meta for the bathroom, but I suppose that's my point. I don't know what the driving factor is to be so rushed. Sure, on occasion, you have a meeting to get to or a deadline, blah blah blah, who cares about the exceptions. I'm talking everyday. Are they worried that if they aren't act their desk pretending to work they'll get canned? Maybe they're afraid they'll miss that one magical email that says "free promotion to the first person that rings the bell in my office"?

I say screw it all and enjoy your time away from the desk. It's not as if 95% of these guys have something THAT important that they can't be bothered by their bodily functions. If momma nature is giving you a gentle nudge to get away from what you're doing, you should take that as a sign, not an irritation!