Gays Are Just Too Gay

If only you were just like everyone else, people would treat you like they treat everyone. Resistance is futile, you will assimilate. You're so weird, why can't you just be like everyone else?! That's the message. That's what some people advocate for the gay community. If only we weren't so darn Gay, then people would treat us like weren't so Gay… and stuff…

A friend pointed me to this article that was published in the editorial section of the University of Alabama's student newspaper. The basic premise here is that LGBT folk should just stop being so queer, then the straights would accept them. If they could just be more straight, then everything would be fine. There are two big problems with this theory and many, many other smaller ones (which I will not discuss at this point. I'll leave that to others to dissect).

Cultural Superiority

One can immediately see in this person's article that he holds heterosexual society and culture to be vastly superior to that of the LGBT society and culture. His point is that the straight culture is better, so if those danged uppity queers would just be more str8-acting, then everything would be fine. Bigots the world over would give up their hateful campaigns and everyone would live in peace if only we'd trade in our winged unicorns and rainbows for burly, wild bison and storm clouds.

This argument has been made a million times before, and usually to justify some form of bigotry. If those dang native peoples would just stop putting feathers in their hair and put on some proper clothes then us white folk might stop treating them as uncivilized savages. And if those urban black and Latino kids would start talking as if they had attended an English class, then we'd be happy to employee them and not shove them into ghettos. And if those friggin' women would stop being so emotional and needy, what with that time off for having babies and all, then we'd be content paying them equally for equal work.

This author assumes that as soon as a repressed minority group assimilates to the white, male, heterosexual, Christian norm of America then things will get better for that group. Well, lets examine this, shall we?

By this argument, black people in America should no longer experience any form of racism, right? It could be argued that the President is just about the most assimilated and culturally "normative" black political figure to date. Yet racism still exists and there is still a need for anti-racist legislation. The Secretary of State is just about the most assimilated female to the male norm of power and confrontation, yet she still suffers from constant attacks based solely on her gender.

So, if someone could, can I please be enlightened as to at what point on the assimilation scale are minority groups freed from their oppression? How far into the "superior culture" of heternomativity does one need to go before they are accepted? Must Hilary become a man? Should Obama magically become white skinned? Should gay men suddenly discover a love for the opposite gender?

It is this assumption that the individual's personal standards are better than someone else's that makes this argument futile.

Cultural Relativity

So lets assume that the "heteronormative" lifestyle is better. Can you tell me what that entails? How exactly should I, as a gay man, go about being more "normal?"

The writer mentions that maybe I shouldn't strut through the streets in skimpy clothing during Pride as one point. OK… but I already don't do that. At most I might take off my shirt. If I agree to this, I expect an exchange: please ensure that all of the males of Italian decent that may or may not reside in New Jersey keep their clothing on at all times. And please have the normal, heterosexual women cover themselves while at the beach as those string bikinis are mighty offensive.

Perhaps us LGBT folk should also stop talking about such obviously gay things like Reality TV or fashion. Well, I do both from time to time, it's true, but if I'm going to stop talking about those (apparently) queer pursuits, I'd like for the "normal" heterosexuals to stop talking about such obviously str8 things like Football and … well, any sport. Except soccer. Soccer's cool.

Maybe queer folk should also stop doing gay things in public. Holding hands and kissing gently on the lips or cheek should probably go if we want to be accepted by our superior straight brethren, I presume. I mean, who wants to see two people being affectionate anyway? But… I mean, I just have to ask, could the hetero people also stop grabbing each other's asses in front of me? That's really disgusting.

I've got it! Why don't gay men just date and marry women, then go and have babies and move to the suburbs? Then LGBT folk will totally be accepted by the "heteronormative" world around us! We'd be just like them, they couldn't hate on us anymore! ... Right?

We're Here, We're Queer, Get Used To It

This line of reasoning is inane. The writer presumes that the heterosexual lifestyle, whatever that is, is better than the gay lifestyle and therefore all lesbians must start acting like straight women or else they'll never get their rights. If only those Bi people would just pick the opposite gender and shut up about their same-sex attractions, everything would be fine.

By this reasoning, anyone that doesn't identify as gay is just peachy, right? Except those kids who are perceived to be gay, even when they're not. Then they need to act more str8.

If the author would like to point his finger at one aspect of the queer community as The Reason why LGBT rights are being held back, perhaps he should look at the culture he purports the gays emulate: rape, violent misogyny, rampant racism, life-destroying power obsession… the list goes on. When you look at heterosexuality from the outside, you can see that it's not all roses and champagne either. (Insert snarky remark here about rocks, glass house, etc…)

To assume one culture is better than the other is not only ignorant, but it is also irresponsible. There are heterosexual men who are vastly more affluent in the field of fashion than I ever will be (most of them probably, but I luckily have a husband who does have an eye for clothing). There are straight women who don't enjoy cooking and would rather celebrate their sexuality than hide it away for that "one, true love" the fairy tales speak of. There are people of all stripes who do not fit any particular mold, and that does not make those people any less deserving of equality.

Furthermore, to decry gay culture as The Reason hate still exists places the blame on the victim. Someone hating me for being gay is not my fault, it is the fault of the hater. That person will continue to hate regardless if I wear an Ocho Cinco jersey every Sunday and scream angrily (and fruitlessly I might add) at TV screens or if I put on a rainbow colored Speedo and dance to Madonna while blowing bubbles at passersby. Those things are irrelevant to haters. What they hate is my sexuality, and the stereotypical behaviors that might accompany it are not the issue.

What this author is really proposing is for gay people to go back in the closet. He wants queers to shut up and stop being so gay, and says all of this while smiling and saying that he doesn't support hate. I can only take him for his word on that, but I would suggest that he perhaps doesn't quite "get it." And perhaps it is not for him to get. After all, I don't quite "get" the whole penis-vagina thing, but that doesn't mean I have to. It is what it is. And it doesn't mean that those straight folk should be treated with any less respect and dignity.

I will not back away from who I am. I am proud and I will scream it very loud. I'm here, I'm Queer, so get used to it. That's the chant that Lisa Simpson so famously mocked, but apparently there are plenty that still need to hear it.