Video Blog: Blizzards and Unions

I recorded this last night while waiting for my husband to get home.  He was stuck in the snow on Lake Shore Drive for 12 hours.  Luckily, he's home safe and sound now, but we have no idea where his car is.

But in the video, I muse and meander about civil unions here in Illinois. 

Illinois Likes Me Now... Kinda

Yesterday, our newly re-elected Governor in Illinois, Pat Quinn, signed into law the legal recognition of same-sex couples via Civil Unions here in the Land of Lincoln. I couldn't be there in person (pesky job asking that people be at work!), but I do get the wonderful benefit of now being marginally less second-class in this country!

When my husband and I were planning our wedding last year, we had a lot of people ask why not just go to Iowa and get married. Their supreme court had legalized same-sex marriage not too long ago, and Iowa is only a couple hours drive from here, so that would seem like the logical thing to do. But we chose to go to Vancouver instead, which is no where near as easy to get to.

The biggest reason we went with a Canadian destination wedding (aside from Bride magazine telling us destination weddings were all the rage last year, obvy) was that we wanted to make sure that the laws would not change wherever we got married. We saw what happened in California and saw the confusion that exists there with some couples being married, some being in civil unions, others wrapped up in lawsuits, and we knew that could easily happen if we went somewhere else in the states.

And we weren't wrong. Right now, some Iowans are pushing hard to create an amendment to their state constitution to bar marriage equality, which is the only option the haters have left to over-turn the high court's ruling. Haters gotta hate, I suppose.

So we went to Canada. The laws aren't going to change up there. Even if the U.S. decides that only marriages between two straight, Christian, child-rearing folk will be recognized here, we know that we are still legally married somewhere. And if we go somewhere that does support LGBT folk as fully-recognized human beings, that marriage will be recognized there as well.

I'm glad to see civil unions come to Illinois. We've still got a ways to go toward real equality, but with this we've taken another step. And, from a personal perspective, I'm very happy that I will now be legally recognized here in this state as my husband's husband. I still have a few questions I need to get answered from a legal stand point (what, if anything, do we need to do?), but this FAQ (PDF) that Equality Illinois put together is really great if anyone else out there needs some more information.

Hooray For Civil Unions, Boo For Inequality

So Illinois was finally able to pass a Civil Unions bill. Last week both the state House and Senate passed the legislation allowing for the State to legally recognize the union between me and my husband, at least in some fashion less than it recognizes hetero couples unions.

It's Grrrreat!

I'll start off by saying I am ecstatic that the state I live in has passed some level of recognition, something beyond the cute piece of paper the City of Chicago offers. When my husband and I started looking at all the paperwork and legal shenanigans we'd have to pull just to get some of the same rights as straight married couples, I got a slight sense of vertigo. And that's not even to mention the cost involved with all that!

For example, to ensure that we legally had the right to make medical decisions for each other when we unable to do so for ourselves, we had to fill out forms, have them notarized, then file said forms with our doctor, our lawyer, and any hospitals or other medical facilities we visited. Then we had to ensure that we had copies with us, just in case. Then we had to hope that a given facility would honor it, much less allow us to be together considering we aren't "family." (Yes, Obama has changed regulations to ensure that same-sex couples have visitation rights, but it's new and implementation is still questionable)

So once our marriage is legally recognized by the State of Illinois as a Civil Union, we can forget about all that and simply show proof of our union if any questions arise.

But Not Perfect...

I do still have problems with the idea of Civil Unions though. Regardless of what rights they may confer to us, they are still something "other than" and "less than" marriage. Quite literally, they offer less rights than a Marriage. And they are the only option available to queer couples right now, which means we have created a Separate but (less) Equal institution.

What's even more infuriating about it? Straight people can take part in Civil Unions at their discretion. Meaning they can take advantage of the lack of rights specific rights offered by Civil Unions. For example, widows/widowers who may be receiving pensions from deceased spouses' former employers will likely lose those pensions if they re-marry. But now they can take advantage of a Civil Union, which is quite pointedly NOT a marriage, and receive many of the right and benefits of a Marriage without losing those pensions.

Basically, straight couples can pick and choose what is best for them. Queer couples cannot. We are given one option, take it or leave it. In creating Civil Unions, we have granted even more rights to our heterosexual friends while granting ourselves some basic rights, which just moves the inequality marker further down the field rather than bringing us actually closer to full equality.

A Delicious Appetizer

To be sure, I'm happy to be able to have my marriage recognized in Illinois. But I'm not satisfied. It's like getting a really great one-ounce steak: It may be delicious, but it's just not enough. I won't say no to it, but I certainly will not be satiated with it, especially when I see my neighbors being offered a choice between a one-ounce steak and a full twelve-ounce steak.

New Jersey: Yeah, We Kinda Figured CU's Weren't The Same

Here's something odd: Yet another group has found that Civil Unions are not equal to Marriage. In fact, the segregation of the rights into categories, Marriage with full rights/protections and Civil Unions with much less than, has severe negative affects on gay and lesbian couples. Whoda thunk it?

"The final report of the New Jersey Civil Union Review Commission says it gathered 'overwhelming evidence' that the civil union law not only fails to provide the same protections as marriage, it also has created economic, medical and emotional hardships for gay couples. The commission concluded that denying same-sex couples the right to marry is as unjust as government imposing racial segregation laws against African-Americans.

So the Civil Union law in New Jersey was put into place to essentially give our community the same rights as hetero people, but it turns out that's just not the case. That's just sooo weird that if you tell someone that they aren't as cool as you, that person will start to feel bad about themselves. And wouldn't it be just as convenient for organizations to adopt rules that prohibit "union partners" versus "married couples?" Yeah, it would. It happens. IT'S NOT EQUAL!

The report is being sent to the New Jersey legislature for review, who also happens to be the same people that ordered the report. It is very likely that New Jersey will be the first state to enact EQUAL CIVIL MARRIAGES (that have nothing to do with a fucking church or someone else's' kids) legislatively rather than through court action. Well, California would have been that state if the Governator hadn't been a jack-ass an vetoed it twice in an effort to save his political career.

To sum it up: GIMME MAI = MARRIDGE NOAH!