Warm And Gooey > Cold And Crispy

What I wanted to eat for a snack yesterday:

What I actually ate for my snack yesterday:

Sometimes eating better is just plain boring!

The Busted Knee

I’m at home today, not at work.  Actually, I’m at home for the next week and a half.  At least.  Possibly more, depends on the pain and if I can walk again any time soon. 

What Happened?

I’m not exactly sure how long ago it happened, but my best guess is that about 2 years ago I hurt my knee.  I don’t recall I specific event or anything dramatic, but I recall having problems going that far back. 

My knee use to do something really, really neat.  When ever I would bend my right leg at the knee then straighten it out my knee would pop.  Audibly.  Loudly.  So much so that my husband and my trainer both told me I need to get it checked out by a doctor.  Eventually I caved and went to the doc with my magical popping knee and he came back and told me I had a torn meniscus.

Soooo… What Does That Mean?

Well, I have no idea what that “means” aside from what they say on Wikipedia, but I do know what that meant for me: knee surgery.  Also read: pain, no fun, no walking, or owie. 

The doctor and the surgeon agreed that surgery was the only option.  Luckily, they also agreed on microscopic surgery too.  All they needed to do was poke two holes in my knee, one for a camera and one for the tools, and go in and fix the nasty, rogue meniscus.

What They Actually Did

Saturday morning, the husband and I made out way to the surgery center.  I’m nervous as can be, my mother is motherly nervous, and my husband is perhaps the most nervous of us all.  They take me back, explain the procedure, knock me out, then a few hours later I wake up with lots of drugs in my system and a leg that doesn’t want to move.

It turns out that I did not have an actual torn meniscus though.  I had some other torn cartilage in my knee which looks like and acts like a torn meniscus, but it wasn’t the actual meniscus.  End result = same damn thing, but different.

Of course, they did all this while finding a way to freak out my husband.  At some point my husband asked the nurse what was going on with my surgery.  I suppose it was getting into the “taking too long” territory and he had not been updated on anything.  They told him there was a complication and I’d be in surgery for another hour and a half, which spooked him, then came back a minute later and said they thought he was asking about someone else and that I had actually just come out of surgery and they’d bring him back to see me in a moment.

So Why No Work?

After all that, the surgeon recommended I take at least a week off from work.  Not because my work itself is strenuous, but because getting to work would be a problem for someone like me that takes public transit and goes up and down stairs in the process while I only had the use of one leg.

It’s interesting.  I thought I might be excited to take extra time off work, but really I’m not.  I’m in pain, I can’t walk very well, I’m on Vicodin so I’m a little loopy, and I’m missing out on work that I’ll need to catch up on when I go back.  So I can’t really enjoy the time off.

But I do have to say that my husband has been taking care of me very, very well.  I haven’t needed to do anything on my own since I got back.  Hell, he even made lunch up for me today (since he had to go to work) so all I have to do is pop it in the microwave and viola!  I’m in the best hands!

What Now?

Well, nothing much.  Basically, I sit and wait for my knee to get better.  Today I’ll take off the dressing on my knee and over the next few days I’ll start trying to work my knee out and slowly start putting pressure on it.  Supposedly in “no time at all” I’ll be walking like normal again.

Goals Acheived

Here we are in June and I've been keeping (mostly) strong to my work out habbits and eating plans. Sure, there are days when I eat poorly or not as structured as I would like, and there are weeks when I don't get to the gym 3 times like I've promised myself, but overall I'm sticking with my plans.

I'm at a point now where I can't seem to drop more weight. My original goal was 155 pounds, and I'm very close at 159. But those four pounds make a big difference to me. Don't get me wrong, in very happy with 159, but I wouldn't be upset with 155.

Part of this lack of progression is due to my more lax approach to this whole regiment. The other part is that my work out now is more focused on strength training than weight loss. And while I'd like to actually weigh 155, i'd be much happier if I looked healthy and relatively in shape.

But all-in-all I'd say the goals I've set out for myself back in October when I decided it was time to lose weight are acheived. I feel good, I believe I look good (if the way my fiancé looks at me is any indication ;) ), and all that makes me happy.

Next up: beach body! ;)

Anger Ball

I am a pretty opinionated person. Everyone who knows me knows this, and I'm pretty sure anyone who reads this blog has picked up on that! Thing is that these opinions of mine get me in trouble quite often. Well, not really trouble like people yelling at me or anything. That I could handle easily. They get me in trouble with myself.

When I get worked up over something my body tends to respond in kind, like most people. The problem is that I also have pretty terrible acid reflux. Actually, really terrible acid reflux. And my family has a history of high blood pressure. So when I get worked up, the rage I feel about any given issue ends up getting channeled into my body, which is very, very, very bad for me.

The problem is not that I have opinions though. I feel that I can justify my beliefs and I also feel that if someone can propose a rational counter-argument or different perspective (with sound justification) I am willing to change my stance. No, the problem is that have very strong beliefs makes me susceptible to becoming quickly enraged over things I cannot change, which leads to agitating my above mentioned reflux, which then frustrates me further… it's a nasty cycle.

Lately I've been getting very worked up over people's negative reactions to the recently passed Health Care Reform. I have still not heard a single, rational, logical opposition to this legislation, and yet the opposition continues to make uneducated, irrelevant arguments against what is now the law of the land. It was "shadily" passed? Really? Because from my perspective this piece of legislation had more public debate and openness than just about anything we've seen debated in recent years. It's unconstitutional? Straight up baseless rhetoric.

On top of that, there's been an increase in disturbing gun violence rhetoric. More and more people are taking to the Sarah Palin-esque mantle of "Loading Up" in preparation for… what? If they continue to follow that path, it will apparently mean loading up a gun and shooting specific politicians, as illustrated by her charts. Now, I'm going to assume that most people are sane and will not act out violently toward members of congress that supported HCR (or members who opposed it, for that matter). Most people are. But not everyone. And when the right-wing stirs their already rabid base with imagery and suggestive wording that indicates shooting people to get your way is OK… well, it's a bit worrisome.

Further, I find the idea that "loading up" to protect yourself from Government to be a bit laughable. I do support your right to own a gun in this country. So long as anyone is allowed to own guns, everyone else (within reasonable boundaries) should be allowed to protect themselves against others who have guns. I get that. Honestly I think there needs to be a nationwide gun ban, but that's highly unlikely considering the Second Amendment and all. But owning a gun so you can Fight The Man? Really? You do understand that The Man has tanks, F22s, highly-trained military special ops, and various other weaponry that the common person could hardly understand, right? Anyone remember Waco? Koresh was loaded to the brim, and look at how that worked out for him. All I'm saying is: own your gun if you believe it will help you protect yourself against others who might harm you, but don't trick yourself into believing for one moment that the cute handgun you just bought will stop The Man from taking over if He so chooses.

Have some faith in the system, people! Our country has survived via our system of government for centuries. Should we question the Government when they do something we disagree with? Absolutely. But there is a productive way to do that which typically nets results: activism. Organize, lobby, form a PAC… these are the things that can give you power in this country. Not inflammatory rhetoric. Not threatening violence. Cindy Sheehan had power because she acted and organized and had a cause. Pat Robertson built power the same way: by having a cause and organizing people around him (albeit he used the vices of religion and the old "give me money 'cause God said so" trip, but still). They built power and used it to fight for change. That's how to do it.

But all that said, I need to learn to take a step back and breath again. Stress, particularly over things that I ultimately cannot fix, does me no good. It doesn't help my general health and it certainly does not help me in my goal of getting slimmer and healthier. Plus no one wants to be around a grump. So this is me getting some of those issues off my chest so I can move on.

One Of The Many Reasons Health Care Reform Can Only Be Seen As A Good Thing

This is one of the many reasons why Health Care Reform can only be seen as a good thing.

For years, there has been a strong contingent of gay men that have refused to get tested for HIV because of the repercussions knowingly being positive could bring. The smarter ones would get tested, but only at anonymous clinics and never reveal their status to their primary care physician. Why? It's not just the fear of "what if?" and the stigma that would come with living with HIV, it was also because they knew that if they did test positive their health care benefits would be in jeopardy.

Insurers have been known to drop patients that have tested positive for HIV. If the patient was lucky enough that their insurer did not drop their policy, they would have to pray that they never need to leave their current job (or get new insurance for any other reason) because no new insurance company would take them on because they had a "pre-existing condition." And if their treatment became too costly, they could reach their lifetime cap and no longer get anything from their insurance company.

Gay men have not stopped having sex and new cases of HIV infection continue to occur. Yet the previously policies that were rampant within the health care industry only changed to exclude men with HIV and only served to kill thousands of gay men with HIV and AIDS because they refused to cover them. And it's not just HIV/AIDS. There were forms of cancer and other deadly diseases that all lead down the same road.

Sarah Palin wants to talk about mythical Death Panels under Health Reform, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't understand that the current system is nothing but Death Panels full of MBAs with not a single doctor in sight. That's because she doesn't read anything. Like many of her mind-numbingly ignorant followers who only regurgitate what they've been force fed by her and her ilk.

Health Care Reform is good policy. It is barely a start toward what this country needs, but it is certainly a step in the right direction. I cannot fathom looking at this bill as a bad thing, and I challenge those that do to really understand what this does for us. If, for perhaps one moment, the right-wing nut balls of our society could stop making insidious and just plain stupid comments, then they might see that as well.

I've seen many young people who have no idea how this bill will help them. Frankly, that's because we're young. We are not so likely to have ever been in a situation where our doctor says "I can test you for X, but if it's positive, you'll have to find a way to pay all your doctor bills out of pocket for the remainder of your life… Or we could just risk it and hope things turn out ok." But those days will come. And now we won't have to worry about that anymore and can rest assured that we will be covered and can afford more medical care now.

I'll Be A Gym Bunny One Day

A few weeks back, the fiancé and I decided to join a gym. I've been on a kick for a couple months to get back into shape after one fateful day when I stepped on a scale and saw a number I was completely disgusted by. Not sure what happened to get me to that weight, other than general laziness, but I decided at that point I wanted to lose weight, so I started a diet.

15-20 pounds lighter, I decided that I wanted to lose more. Or at least get healthier in general. I had been flirting with the idea of getting a gym membership for some time but wasn't completely dedicated to the idea. Part of the reason for that is I hadn't been in a gym since… well, lets just say I haven't been in a gym for awhile. When I first moved to Chicago, I would go rollerblading on the Lakeshore Path almost daily that first spring and summer, but that was the extent of my exercising for the last many years of my life.

After losing the initial weight through dieting, I knew I'd have to do something more to lose the rest of the weight I wanted to lose. So I brought up the idea of the gym membership again and the boo was on board with it this time. We hiked our way over to Cheetah Gym in Edgewater and snagged a membership (after a trial and some haggling on the price, of course). We also decided to hire a personal trainer for the time being as well, which was mostly due to my insistence. Like I said, I'm very gym-ignorant, which meant that not only would I not know what to do with all those machines, I wouldn't know how to use them, and all that adds up to me being very, VERY intimidated. So a trainer was the best idea I could come up with.

Luckily the gym had a great deal designed for people just like me: an initial consultation and three sessions with your trainer for a reasonable price. Sure, sessions after that might be a bit pricy, but I needed someone to show my how to work out first, as silly as that sounds. After that, I can cut back my training sessions to once every few weeks or a month. I was assigned a real lame trainer at first, but switched to the trainer Esvan was assigned after his first session and have been happy since.

However, we're down to the last week of our first month with the gym and faced with some decisions. We have 30 days from the day we signed our contracts with the gym to decide if we want to keep the gym or drop it. If we say we'll stay, then we're committed for a year, and if we say we don't want to join, we only pay for the time we used and that's that. I'm very inclined to stay. BUT I'm also very money conscious. I'm thinking this is probably something I should spend money on though, as I want to get healthy and be in shape, both for purely cosmetic and selfish reasons, and so that I can live a long and full life with my man. I don't want him to have to take care of me when we're older because I didn't take care of myself while we are young. So I have to decide what to do. It's just a gym membership though, am I making too much out of this?