Marriage Equality Prevails In... Wait, Iowa?

To sum it up, the Iowa Supreme Court announced today in an Unanimous Decision that marriage between same-sex couples must be allowed, as illegally discriminating against LGBT folk in this arena violates their state Constitutional rights to Equal Treatment and Protection. One more time, the Iowa Supreme Court (that's the heart of the Midwest, kittens) has said, without one dissenting voice, that LGBT persons must be given equal rights.

That's another one down!

As I write this, straight couples all across the state are falling apart and families are beginning to disintegrate into Oblivion. Men all across the state who have previously thought themselves heterosexual are suddenly realizing that they have no other option than to run to the nearest bathhouse and enjoy the pleasure of other men, leaving their former wives with only the comforting arms of other ex-wives… which obviously leads to lesbian trysts. Teachers in every school in the state have stopped talking about their given subjects to give graphic descriptions of how two men copulate, and children have lost their ability to understand right from wrong, slaying everything in their path and stopping only to talk to the newfound horde of vans parked in front of the schools packed full of villainous men with lollipops. Even worse, within minutes of the announcement, every church in the state was slammed with anti-defamation suits and forced to close their doors.

Oh wait… That isn't happening?

Hmmm… Well, I suppose those preachers/fuckheads that spent all their time and energy telling people that would happen were… wrong? No, that can't be! Religious figureheads can't possibly be wrong when it comes to social ills! What's next, a President that willfully lies to the public and commits heinous war crimes, all the while being let off the hook by his opposing party?! What kind of bularkey is that?!

I Wish I Could Get Away With Being As Stupid As These People...

I'm sure everyone has watched yesterday's Inauguration ceremonies celebrating Barack Obama's ascendency into the Presidency. Notice the key words in that sentence: ceremonies and celebrating. Because that's all yesterday was, a formalized ceremony that is not at all required, but the people like to celebrate these achievements, so we hold these massive to-do's so we the people can enjoy the regime change.

Since we've all watched the ceremony, we've all seen Obama's slightly flubbed Oath of Office. And if we've seen it, then the crazy idiot right-wingers have as well. And if they've seen, then they must be screaming that it must mean that Obama isn't really our President yet, which is exactly what I said they'd do the moment I saw it happen.

To be sure, the twits are running around on national TV screaming about how the Oath is in the Constitution, so it must mean that Obama can't become President until he says it exactly the way it's written. Well, that's a quaint notion. If we were going to follow that path of following the Constitution to the exact word of it, me thinks their dear former-President Bush would be hanging in some gallows by now.

What they don't realize is the Oath is truly a formality. It's not a necessity. Obama became President yesterday at noon Eastern. Period. Regardless of an Oath or ceremony or miracle from god, he became President. There's no avoiding that.

Good luck with your lawsuits and whatnot. Please make sure you go on TV as much as possible to complain about it as well because we all need to see your faces and know who to point and laugh at while in public.