We Have To Change The Mentality

It seems like everyday we are running into this problem: Some one, some where has decided that the word Gay, in and of itself, must immediately mean Adult. Microsoft has been guilty of it. Amazon has been guilty of it. And now school districts are being called out for it. This mentality is one of the biggest challenges we as a community have to overcome, and it's a mentality that has to change.

Underlying this problem is that homosexuality must be spoke of only in grown-up circles, which means that Heterosexual people feel there is something naughty, wrong or dirty about gay people. That, my friends, is the real problem. Every day we hear about Parents complaining that they don't want their children taught about homosexuality at school, or that they will teach their kids about the Gays. Any suggestion that someone else will educate their children about sexuality (read: give their kids unbiased information about human sexuality) sets of some sort of red flag in these people and they freak out. Why do they freak out? Because in their minds, gay people are evil, and evil is something a child should not be exposed to.

It's not sexuality as a whole they are opposed to. No one complains about Cinderella being on the bookshelves or performed on stage. No one gripes that kids read through several Shakespeare plays. Parents hardly bat an eye at their kids reading Tess of the d'Urdervilles in English class. But put a children's book that talks about two same-sex penguins raising a baby penguin together and the world starts to fall apart. It is clear that these heterosexist people would prefer their children learn about rape and sexual subversion, as long as it's between opposite sex people, than learn about a happy home life without mention of sex at all, simply because that home life deals with two guy penguins.

I ran into this issue at a previous job and raised a stink about it. While I was not able to view sites like 365Gay, my contemporaries were able to surf sites like ESPN. What does gay news and sports news have to due with each other? Nothing, but that's my point. Sports news is irrelevant. It's pure entertainment. Yet gay news is flagged as bad with an "adult" warning splash page and a stern message that IT monitors all web traffic. 365Gay is a news organization. There is nothing particularly "adult" about news, not any more than CNN (which was not blocked). The underlying assumption is that if a site is gay-specific, then it must either be evil or pornographic and good workers wouldn't waste their time with it on the job. However, if those workers would like to fall in line with the heteronormative behavior of sports water-cooler talk, that is ok. I was not happy. I let people know. It was changed. I don't work there anymore.

This is the mentality that holds us back, and a mentality that we sometimes feed into. Ever been on a date in a hetero neighborhood with a guy who refuses to hold your hand because there are kids around? How about being out with a group of your gay pals who decide to "tone it down" because of the family at the table over? What about trying to pretend to not be boyfriends at the bookstore because that mommy an isle over gave you a dirty look and shuffled her kid ahead of her when she saw you sneak a quick peck? That feeds into this ideal because we're validating it. By being submissive to this concept that gay is bad or should not be presented to children, we are agreeing with it.

We have to fight this mentality, and the ONLY way to fight it is to be brazen and be brave. There is NOTHING wrong with you for being gay, and you relationship is not bad, evil, disgusting or any less appropriate than hetero relationships. THEY are the ones with the problem, but WE are the ones that have to make them recognize that reality. That not-so-subtle homophobia has gone unchecked for far to long.

Celebrate And Educate

This weekend, I had the honor of attending a very good friend's wedding. My boyfriend and I were invited and accepted the invitation and were excited to go for many reasons, including that the ceremony was held at the Krohn Conservatory in Cincinnati. The Conservatory is a big plant life repository, packed full of rare flowers and trees, complete with a room full of Bonsai Trees! To say that the Conservatory was an excellent venue for the wedding is just an understatement.

What I want to say is that it's a totally different thing to attend a wedding as a single person versus a person in a relationship, at least for me it was. Previous weddings I've attended were nice and all, but most of them didn't spark much in me. But this wedding, as with another one we attended a few months back, meant something more to me. It dawned on me that weddings aren't just to celebrate the happy couple, but they help all couples celebrate the idea of love, and there's something magical about that.

Ok, sure, that's a bit sappy. But this is where this spins a bit: Knowing and understanding that aspect of the wedding ceremony provides me with a deeper understanding of why Social Conservatives and Anti-Gay Pricks want to deny us our right to legal marriage. They believe that if we aren't legally allowed to wed in the eyes of the state, we won't celebrate our love. If we don't celebrate our love, we'll continue to be ashamed of it. And if we're ashamed of it, we'll go away.

That's why this fight for Marriage Equality is so important. Our love is real and deserves to be celebrated just as much as any one else's. It seems trivial, but psychologically if we are told that are relationships aren't "legal," then we are more likely to not celebrate them and embrace them. It's a twisted little game.

The oddest thing I learned from the wedding though is that there are some people that are still unaware of the LGBT community's struggle for Marriage Equality. A friend of mine was completely in the dark when it came to what DOMA is and what it means. He also was unaware that Marriage between same-sex couples was only allowed in a handful of states across the county. I didn't know how to react to learning this because to me, this issue seems to be the forefront issue right now. But so many people and potential supporters are still completely in the dark about our struggle.

We have to keep educating people. No matter how close your friends are, please take the time to make sure they are up on the issue of Marriage Equality. Many of these people that are clueless are our supporters, they just need to know that there is an issue that we need their help with.