Gays Are Just Too Gay

If only you were just like everyone else, people would treat you like they treat everyone. Resistance is futile, you will assimilate. You're so weird, why can't you just be like everyone else?! That's the message. That's what some people advocate for the gay community. If only we weren't so darn Gay, then people would treat us like weren't so Gay… and stuff…

A friend pointed me to this article that was published in the editorial section of the University of Alabama's student newspaper. The basic premise here is that LGBT folk should just stop being so queer, then the straights would accept them. If they could just be more straight, then everything would be fine. There are two big problems with this theory and many, many other smaller ones (which I will not discuss at this point. I'll leave that to others to dissect).

Cultural Superiority

One can immediately see in this person's article that he holds heterosexual society and culture to be vastly superior to that of the LGBT society and culture. His point is that the straight culture is better, so if those danged uppity queers would just be more str8-acting, then everything would be fine. Bigots the world over would give up their hateful campaigns and everyone would live in peace if only we'd trade in our winged unicorns and rainbows for burly, wild bison and storm clouds.

This argument has been made a million times before, and usually to justify some form of bigotry. If those dang native peoples would just stop putting feathers in their hair and put on some proper clothes then us white folk might stop treating them as uncivilized savages. And if those urban black and Latino kids would start talking as if they had attended an English class, then we'd be happy to employee them and not shove them into ghettos. And if those friggin' women would stop being so emotional and needy, what with that time off for having babies and all, then we'd be content paying them equally for equal work.

This author assumes that as soon as a repressed minority group assimilates to the white, male, heterosexual, Christian norm of America then things will get better for that group. Well, lets examine this, shall we?

By this argument, black people in America should no longer experience any form of racism, right? It could be argued that the President is just about the most assimilated and culturally "normative" black political figure to date. Yet racism still exists and there is still a need for anti-racist legislation. The Secretary of State is just about the most assimilated female to the male norm of power and confrontation, yet she still suffers from constant attacks based solely on her gender.

So, if someone could, can I please be enlightened as to at what point on the assimilation scale are minority groups freed from their oppression? How far into the "superior culture" of heternomativity does one need to go before they are accepted? Must Hilary become a man? Should Obama magically become white skinned? Should gay men suddenly discover a love for the opposite gender?

It is this assumption that the individual's personal standards are better than someone else's that makes this argument futile.

Cultural Relativity

So lets assume that the "heteronormative" lifestyle is better. Can you tell me what that entails? How exactly should I, as a gay man, go about being more "normal?"

The writer mentions that maybe I shouldn't strut through the streets in skimpy clothing during Pride as one point. OK… but I already don't do that. At most I might take off my shirt. If I agree to this, I expect an exchange: please ensure that all of the males of Italian decent that may or may not reside in New Jersey keep their clothing on at all times. And please have the normal, heterosexual women cover themselves while at the beach as those string bikinis are mighty offensive.

Perhaps us LGBT folk should also stop talking about such obviously gay things like Reality TV or fashion. Well, I do both from time to time, it's true, but if I'm going to stop talking about those (apparently) queer pursuits, I'd like for the "normal" heterosexuals to stop talking about such obviously str8 things like Football and … well, any sport. Except soccer. Soccer's cool.

Maybe queer folk should also stop doing gay things in public. Holding hands and kissing gently on the lips or cheek should probably go if we want to be accepted by our superior straight brethren, I presume. I mean, who wants to see two people being affectionate anyway? But… I mean, I just have to ask, could the hetero people also stop grabbing each other's asses in front of me? That's really disgusting.

I've got it! Why don't gay men just date and marry women, then go and have babies and move to the suburbs? Then LGBT folk will totally be accepted by the "heteronormative" world around us! We'd be just like them, they couldn't hate on us anymore! ... Right?

We're Here, We're Queer, Get Used To It

This line of reasoning is inane. The writer presumes that the heterosexual lifestyle, whatever that is, is better than the gay lifestyle and therefore all lesbians must start acting like straight women or else they'll never get their rights. If only those Bi people would just pick the opposite gender and shut up about their same-sex attractions, everything would be fine.

By this reasoning, anyone that doesn't identify as gay is just peachy, right? Except those kids who are perceived to be gay, even when they're not. Then they need to act more str8.

If the author would like to point his finger at one aspect of the queer community as The Reason why LGBT rights are being held back, perhaps he should look at the culture he purports the gays emulate: rape, violent misogyny, rampant racism, life-destroying power obsession… the list goes on. When you look at heterosexuality from the outside, you can see that it's not all roses and champagne either. (Insert snarky remark here about rocks, glass house, etc…)

To assume one culture is better than the other is not only ignorant, but it is also irresponsible. There are heterosexual men who are vastly more affluent in the field of fashion than I ever will be (most of them probably, but I luckily have a husband who does have an eye for clothing). There are straight women who don't enjoy cooking and would rather celebrate their sexuality than hide it away for that "one, true love" the fairy tales speak of. There are people of all stripes who do not fit any particular mold, and that does not make those people any less deserving of equality.

Furthermore, to decry gay culture as The Reason hate still exists places the blame on the victim. Someone hating me for being gay is not my fault, it is the fault of the hater. That person will continue to hate regardless if I wear an Ocho Cinco jersey every Sunday and scream angrily (and fruitlessly I might add) at TV screens or if I put on a rainbow colored Speedo and dance to Madonna while blowing bubbles at passersby. Those things are irrelevant to haters. What they hate is my sexuality, and the stereotypical behaviors that might accompany it are not the issue.

What this author is really proposing is for gay people to go back in the closet. He wants queers to shut up and stop being so gay, and says all of this while smiling and saying that he doesn't support hate. I can only take him for his word on that, but I would suggest that he perhaps doesn't quite "get it." And perhaps it is not for him to get. After all, I don't quite "get" the whole penis-vagina thing, but that doesn't mean I have to. It is what it is. And it doesn't mean that those straight folk should be treated with any less respect and dignity.

I will not back away from who I am. I am proud and I will scream it very loud. I'm here, I'm Queer, so get used to it. That's the chant that Lisa Simpson so famously mocked, but apparently there are plenty that still need to hear it.

Pride Come And Gone

Another Pride, another rainbow flag. This past weekend was Chicago Gay Pride weekend, featuring the lovely Pride Parade on Sunday. Initially, we were suppose to march in the parade with some friends, but due to some illness (ok… hungoverness…), I wasn't feeling up to snuff, so we initially tried to find a nice place to watch the parade. After that was a complete bust, I convinced my boyfriend to head home with me to get some rest and recover in the hopes of coming out later to party some more. The parade couldn't have been much different than years past in any case, right?

A long nap held me till early afternoon, at which point I was finally feeling better. We decided to turn on some TV while we woke up and were completely surprised when we saw that the parade was being broadcast on TV, and even more so when we realized that it wasn't on some random local access channel, but on ABC!

Maybe they've been airing the Pride Parade for years, I honestly couldn't tell you, but it was a total shock to both of us to see that our happy little parade was being broadcast for all Chicagoland to see. Every bit of it was on there, from the politicians grandstanding about how they love the gays (while convieniently forgetting that they should probably do more than just show up at a parade) to the float for the local bathhouse which featured some pretty minimally clothed gentleman. OK, they probably weren't gentlemen, but still.

So how was the Pride parade experience via cable? Well… different. The hosts/esses were not really gay, and it seemed that they weren't really familiar with Pride Parades in general, although they were nice enough and pretty typical parade commentators. It was nice to see that the "guy on the ground" was asking pressing questions of our politicians while en route, and it was very nice to not be smothered by the crowds.

But all that meant that it wasn't really the total Pride experience. Pride is meant to be enjoyed in person, even if you aren't in the crowd actively watching the progression. Sure, people can get pushy and it can get a warm in the crowd, but isn't it all worth it when you can watch drag queens on stilts, hot men in bikini thongs, dykes on bikes, and possibly spend the afternoon flirting with and courting the man you'll later decide to spend your life with?

Solis To DoL: I'm Proud Of Pride

A friend passed this along to me, and I felt it only prudent to share this with everyone. Given the current atmosphere surrounding President Obama's Administration and his lack of movement on promises he made to our community, this letter by current Secretary of Labor Hilda Solis to Department of Labor employees shows that this administration is still very much more gay forward than any other before it.

As a little back story, the DoL has posters in its offices proclaiming Pride month, following suit with President Obama's proclamation earlier this month of National Gay and Lesbian Pride month. Some employees saw fit to desecrate those posters. This is the response of Secretary Solis, in a letter titled "I'm Proud Of Pride":

Dear Colleagues:

On June 1st, I initiated an elevator poster campaign in the Frances Perkins Building, with the goal of recognizing department initiatives and accomplishments, and to share my thoughts and priorities with the entire DOL team. We are currently exploring ways to provide the same information to BLS and to our regional offices.

Something else far more important also happened on June 1st. The President issued a proclamation recognizing June as national Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) Pride Month. I was excited to have an opportunity, through our poster campaign, to acknowledge and celebrate the contributions of the LGBT community and affirm our commitment to all workers across the country. The posters went up in the elevators on Monday.

As a founding member of the LGBT Caucus in the U.S. House of Representatives, I was particularly pleased to have the opportunity to be the first Secretary in the department’s history to publicly recognize Pride Month. I am very proud of that.
It appears, however, that some members of the Labor Department team have a different view, as it has come to my attention that most of the posters have been continually defaced or removed. On several occasions, even the poster frames have been torn completely off the elevator walls.

My reaction to this news has ranged from disappointment to outrage.

I do not believe these actions represent the majority of our employees, so I refuse to let this situation define us. But I do want to make myself absolutely clear: Respect for others is non-negotiable at the U.S. Department of Labor.

As the enforcer of fair and safe workplaces across the country, each and every one of us must be committed to working with all employers and employees, no matter their race, color, religion or sexual orientation. And as colleagues, each and every one of us must embrace, value, and celebrate the contributions of the entire Labor Department family.

The posters will stay up until the end of the month, and will be replaced immediately if they are removed or destroyed. This is a small way to remind everyone here how I, and most of our colleagues, feel about this issue.

We will continue to recognize and celebrate diversity at the U.S. Department of Labor, through the posters in the elevators, as well as education initiatives, special observances and events. I would very much like to hear your suggestions and thoughts on how we do this, as well as how we constructively address this specific issue at the department.

As always, I appreciate your efforts on behalf of working people across the country. And I wish each and every one of you a very happy Pride Month.

Hilda L. Solis
U.S. Secretary of Labor

I love this letter for many reasons, not the least of which being that she is stating "They're here, they're queer, get used to it" in a slightly different way. Going into Pride weekend in most of the major cities in the country, and with the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots just around the corner, I think this is an appropriate little something for us LGBT's to nibble on.

Peter LaBarbera Meets Joe The Gay

I need you all to go over to Joe.My.God right now and read this post. It could be the funniest thing I've read in a very long time!

Here's the basics. Peter LaBarbera is a right-wing, Crazy Christian Scare Bear ass-hat, who has run a few of the pro-dead guy on a cross organizations out there. Currently, he spends his time going to gay events like IML and various Pride events taking pictures of what he perceives as perversion, then he blogs about them. Presumably, this illustrates how mentally sick all gay people are if, heaven forbid, one gay person participates in any form of public affection (well, I suppose it takes at least two... sometimes). He also trolls gay websites and blogs for comments and stories that he deems evil.

There's the backdrop, now go read Joe's post. It's hillarious!

Happy Pride!

Just wanted to shoot off a quick Happy Pride message for everyone! I just got back into Chicago, so I missed the street fair, but I'm absolutely headed to the Parade tomorrow morning, so I'll have plenty pictures to show in the coming days.

Also, if you're not a reader of Joe.My.God, he posts a really good article up every year about Pride that, more or less, I agree with. Take a look!

Speculation: Should Obama Show At Chicago Pride?

There has been a lot of talk lately about Obama's pro-gay stance. In fact, he's directly reached out to the GLBT's a couple time in the past week, first in an open letter to the community, the second time today by appointing a new LGBT relations head to his team (although, he also met with the crazies this morning too...). At today's gay-centric event, Obama's campaign highlighted their commitment to have a presence at over 60 Pride celebrations this month!

That is a pretty huge number. Previous candidates have had a supporter or two hand out buttons in NY and LA, maybe Chicago, but I can't recall a campaign that has made this big of a commitment to the queer community. All this support is lending to speculation about Obama himself showing up at a Pride parade. If I were a betting man, I'd say that if he were to grace a Pride parade with his Presumptive Democratic Party Nominee-ness, it'd be here in his hometown of Chicago.

But because I'm a betting man, I'm going to go ahead and say I don't think he will. Having supporters at an events is one thing, but being there in person is an entirely different thing. Framing yourself with all of the debauchery fun and excitement of a Pride celebration may send the wrong message to middle-of-the-road voters who, although they are pro gay-rights and absolutely fine with gay people in general, may not be able to deal with trannies is 10-inch heals, mid-riff shining in the sun, twirling batons that are somehow lit by rainbow flames. That just may be a little too much. Maybe.

Now then, if he did show up at Chicago Pride, I'm pretty sure I would worship his every step from there on in, as that would be a ballsy move. But I'm not planning on it. If you'll excuse me now, I have to go try and figure out why I care about that Alva guy that's Grand Marshalling our parade this year...