Today is the day. Well, one of The Days at least. Today is the day that the Proposition 8 trial will hear closing argument. After today, there will be nothing left to do but wait for the judge to rule.
He's going to be ruling specifically on Proposition 8 and whether the law has any legal validity, but this one ruling could affect many other states, possibly even support a full on case in the US Supreme Court. If prop 8 is knocked down for being the vile, hate-filled, ignorance-driven drivel that it is, than the same tactics used in this case can be used in other states.
There isn't much else to say on marriage equality, to be honest. What has been said is more than sufficient to support my right to legally marry my fiancé, and those that oppose it have sufficiently shown themselves to have nothing but unfounded bias in their hearts. Does that make them bigots? Some of them yes, but most of them are just too lazy to examine the reality so they follow along with the loud-mouth bigots.
My fiancé and I leave for Vancouver in a week and in a week and a half we'll be married. Legally. As recognized by the government of Canada and several other nations that openly support marriage equality. But when we come home, we'll still be just another queer couple fighting for basic rights in the eyes of our government.
Recently a co-workers husband suffered a stroke. It was pretty bad from what we've gathered, but he survived. He's had to go through serious rehabilitation to retrain his brain to talk properly and walk correctly because those functions were damaged in the stroke. Luckily the federal government provides the Family Medical Leave Act which provides that employers must allow for time off for her so that she can be there to help in her husband's rehabilitation. It's a tough spot for her to be in, but FMLA helps.
If either of me or my husband to be were in the same boat we would not be afforded that right. The federal government does boy provide that protection to us because it will not recognize out marriage. My employer has voluntarily extended that right to me, although I must provides mountains of documentation whereas hetero couples simply provide a marriage certificate. But his employer does not provide that same benefit. If I were to fall sick or something tragic happen to me, we would have to chose between having an income and him being there to help me recover.
We are often asked what exactly we would gain from marriage equality. While there is some truth to gaining public acceptance and equal societal standing, the reality is that we would gain basic, human rights. The right to see my husband in the hospital without question. The right to make decisions on each others behalf if we can no longer make a decision for ourselves. The right to not lose our jobs because our family is working through a tragedy.
Sure, maybe this all seems melodramatic. Maybe you're thinking this post is just a little too serious for a Wednesday morning. But as I get closer to being married, I've started to really examine these questions. It's not just a word or a term anymore. It is a set of right, benefits, and protections from our goverent, as well as a final committment to my partner. And I can't for the life of me understand what is so terrible about that.
Showing posts with label Vancouver. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Vancouver. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Many More Details Ironed Out
A lot has happened on the wedding front in the past few weeks! We've nailed down where we are staying, when we are arriving and departing, found our Marriage Commissioner, and even found the location for the wedding. Normally I would have taken the time to write about these things as I went, but time has just not allowed for that. So instead, here's a synopsis of all the new developments:
Where We're Staying
We had been going back and forth about where in Vancouver we wanted to stay. On one hand, we thought a cute Bed and Breakfast outside the city would be nice. The upside of the B&B option is that it would be small and we could probably rent out the entire B&B for a weekend, but the downside is that finding lodging for anyone that couldn't stay at the B&B would be difficult and transporting people to and from would prove a challenge as well. On the other hand we could stay in a hotel in Vancouver proper and block off a set of rooms for our guests. The upside with the hotel would be having everyone centrally located and in the heart of the city, but we'd then be dealing with a Hotel and all their "coporateness" and employees that aren't always the best.
As luck would have it though, we stumbled upon a solution that combines the best of both worlds: The Nelson House B&B, located right in the heart of Vancouver! It's a gay-owned B&B, so there's no question that the place will be friendly to us on our wedding weekend, and it's a smaller, warmer atmosphere, which is what we wanted as well. Further, there are a ton of other hotels within a couple blocks, so any of our quests that can't stay at the B&B have plenty of options, and everyone gets to stay in the heart of the city so transportation is that much easier.
When We're Staying
As I've said before, our wedding will be on June 26. It's a cute date for us because it will be our regular dating anniversary as well. So given that we'll be getting married on a Saturday, we've decided to fly into Vancouver on the Thursday before hand, which will give us time to get settled in and get all of the necessary documents for the marriage. Also, we're planning on sticking around until Tuesday afternoon so that we can see any of our guests off and so we can spend a little bit of time in the city exploring and sight seeing.
Marriage Commissioner
For anyone not marrying in a church, Vancouver requires you hire a licensed Marriage Commissioner to preside over the ceremony. The Canadian government provides a fairly easy-to-search directory if you need to find a Commissioner, but we just asked the owners of the B&B if they had anyone they reccomended. Luckily they did and after emailing with her a few times to make sure our times matched up and such, we booked her.
Location
I say we found the location, and by found I mean we're 95% sure of the location. Our Marriage Commissioner has offered to host the ceremony at her home, and after just a tiny bit of cyber-stalking via Google Maps and Google Earth, I think her place will make a nice setting for our ceremony. We may consider other locations, but to be honest, I think her house will be a great setting and will require a lot less coordination on our part, which is always a plus!
What's Left?
So what's left to plan? Way too many details! We still need to decide on a restaurant to host our reception dinner, figure out how to get from our hotel to the ceremony and back, coordinate guests, and possibly plan other activities for the weekend. And then there's the matter of what to wear. And I'm sure there's about a thousand other details in the mix somewhere that we haven't even thought of yet. In my mind though, we've crossed a critical barrier and have some of the biggest questions out of the way, and I'm both excited and relieved to have these details fleshed out.
Where We're Staying
We had been going back and forth about where in Vancouver we wanted to stay. On one hand, we thought a cute Bed and Breakfast outside the city would be nice. The upside of the B&B option is that it would be small and we could probably rent out the entire B&B for a weekend, but the downside is that finding lodging for anyone that couldn't stay at the B&B would be difficult and transporting people to and from would prove a challenge as well. On the other hand we could stay in a hotel in Vancouver proper and block off a set of rooms for our guests. The upside with the hotel would be having everyone centrally located and in the heart of the city, but we'd then be dealing with a Hotel and all their "coporateness" and employees that aren't always the best.
As luck would have it though, we stumbled upon a solution that combines the best of both worlds: The Nelson House B&B, located right in the heart of Vancouver! It's a gay-owned B&B, so there's no question that the place will be friendly to us on our wedding weekend, and it's a smaller, warmer atmosphere, which is what we wanted as well. Further, there are a ton of other hotels within a couple blocks, so any of our quests that can't stay at the B&B have plenty of options, and everyone gets to stay in the heart of the city so transportation is that much easier.
When We're Staying
As I've said before, our wedding will be on June 26. It's a cute date for us because it will be our regular dating anniversary as well. So given that we'll be getting married on a Saturday, we've decided to fly into Vancouver on the Thursday before hand, which will give us time to get settled in and get all of the necessary documents for the marriage. Also, we're planning on sticking around until Tuesday afternoon so that we can see any of our guests off and so we can spend a little bit of time in the city exploring and sight seeing.
Marriage Commissioner
For anyone not marrying in a church, Vancouver requires you hire a licensed Marriage Commissioner to preside over the ceremony. The Canadian government provides a fairly easy-to-search directory if you need to find a Commissioner, but we just asked the owners of the B&B if they had anyone they reccomended. Luckily they did and after emailing with her a few times to make sure our times matched up and such, we booked her.
Location
I say we found the location, and by found I mean we're 95% sure of the location. Our Marriage Commissioner has offered to host the ceremony at her home, and after just a tiny bit of cyber-stalking via Google Maps and Google Earth, I think her place will make a nice setting for our ceremony. We may consider other locations, but to be honest, I think her house will be a great setting and will require a lot less coordination on our part, which is always a plus!
What's Left?
So what's left to plan? Way too many details! We still need to decide on a restaurant to host our reception dinner, figure out how to get from our hotel to the ceremony and back, coordinate guests, and possibly plan other activities for the weekend. And then there's the matter of what to wear. And I'm sure there's about a thousand other details in the mix somewhere that we haven't even thought of yet. In my mind though, we've crossed a critical barrier and have some of the biggest questions out of the way, and I'm both excited and relieved to have these details fleshed out.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
State Of The Wedding Address
I've been quiet on the wedding planning front, and for good reason. Frankly, things have been chaotic and trying to plan everything is taking most of the time that I previously used for blogging about it. I know they say it in the movies, but this one they got right: planning a wedding is hard work!
Looking back at my last wedding update (OMG, I haven't written about this since October??), we were considering the possibility of marrying in Chicago because of the introduction of a marriage equality bill here. However, little to no action has taken place on the bill, so I have to still put that in my "hopefully this will pass" dreams. All that said, we are set on going to Vancouver in Canada for our wedding.
Why Vancouver?
So why Vancouver? A few reasons:
1 - We want to make sure that wherever I get married, my union will be legally recognized. Marrying in Canada means the entire federal government of that country recognizes me and my husband as a married couple, and should we ever need to provide proof of that marriage, we have a legally sanctioned, federal document supporting our nuptials.
2 - We don't want to marry somewhere that may change their minds shortly after we marry. After the debacle in California, I'm not sure I trust any state to continue to support marriage equality. Politicians, and particularly the Democratic Party, are a shifty bunch and voters are even less reliable. We don't want to think about getting married somewhere then two months later some hillbilly down the street changing their minds and revoking our legally married status.
3 - We want to marry somewhere that people actually want us. We don't want to worry about finding a particular church that can possibly tolerate us (not that we would marry in a church, but still…) or a reception hall that would be oh so kind as to "deal" with us queers. No, we'd rather reward someplace that will welcome us and be happy to have us.
4 - That said, Vancouver is both gay friendly and very beautiful. Not to mention it won't be nearly as expensive as it normally would consider the city will still be trying to recover from the tourism slump that always follows being an Olympic Host City.
So What About The Reception?
Another thing we have decided on is the reception. Our initial idea was to host our wedding in Canada for just us, then have a reception in Chicago for our family and friends. While this is a great idea and a very sweet idea, it is frankly just too expensive.
We don't have an endless supply of money to put together both a trip to Canada for our wedding day and a full-on reception, and neither of us is particularly keen on the idea of half-assing a reception. We're doing to whole shebang on our own and have to be mindful of our means. We also refuse to go into debt for this event, which would mean we'd be starting our married life out on the wrong foot all together.
So, we plan on having a small wedding in Canada and an intimate reception while there. I say small because I'm realistic. Asking our friends and family to come to Canada is a big financial commitment. Add to that that people will need to get passports. Now we know people will want to be there, but many of them simply will not be able to make that happen. And that's while that's not optimal, it's OK. Honestly, I'm more concerned with the above issues and we can always have a party in Chicago later or an anniversary party or something.
And here we are, ordering our Save The Date cards and contacting a thousand wedding planners and hotels… let the fun begin!
Looking back at my last wedding update (OMG, I haven't written about this since October??), we were considering the possibility of marrying in Chicago because of the introduction of a marriage equality bill here. However, little to no action has taken place on the bill, so I have to still put that in my "hopefully this will pass" dreams. All that said, we are set on going to Vancouver in Canada for our wedding.
Why Vancouver?
So why Vancouver? A few reasons:
1 - We want to make sure that wherever I get married, my union will be legally recognized. Marrying in Canada means the entire federal government of that country recognizes me and my husband as a married couple, and should we ever need to provide proof of that marriage, we have a legally sanctioned, federal document supporting our nuptials.
2 - We don't want to marry somewhere that may change their minds shortly after we marry. After the debacle in California, I'm not sure I trust any state to continue to support marriage equality. Politicians, and particularly the Democratic Party, are a shifty bunch and voters are even less reliable. We don't want to think about getting married somewhere then two months later some hillbilly down the street changing their minds and revoking our legally married status.
3 - We want to marry somewhere that people actually want us. We don't want to worry about finding a particular church that can possibly tolerate us (not that we would marry in a church, but still…) or a reception hall that would be oh so kind as to "deal" with us queers. No, we'd rather reward someplace that will welcome us and be happy to have us.
4 - That said, Vancouver is both gay friendly and very beautiful. Not to mention it won't be nearly as expensive as it normally would consider the city will still be trying to recover from the tourism slump that always follows being an Olympic Host City.
So What About The Reception?
Another thing we have decided on is the reception. Our initial idea was to host our wedding in Canada for just us, then have a reception in Chicago for our family and friends. While this is a great idea and a very sweet idea, it is frankly just too expensive.
We don't have an endless supply of money to put together both a trip to Canada for our wedding day and a full-on reception, and neither of us is particularly keen on the idea of half-assing a reception. We're doing to whole shebang on our own and have to be mindful of our means. We also refuse to go into debt for this event, which would mean we'd be starting our married life out on the wrong foot all together.
So, we plan on having a small wedding in Canada and an intimate reception while there. I say small because I'm realistic. Asking our friends and family to come to Canada is a big financial commitment. Add to that that people will need to get passports. Now we know people will want to be there, but many of them simply will not be able to make that happen. And that's while that's not optimal, it's OK. Honestly, I'm more concerned with the above issues and we can always have a party in Chicago later or an anniversary party or something.
And here we are, ordering our Save The Date cards and contacting a thousand wedding planners and hotels… let the fun begin!
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