Fuck Hate: Love Me Some Catharsis

It Gets Better

I love Dan Savage.  I’ve raved about him approximately 17.28 million times.  It seems just about every time he opens his mouth he either says something that I agree with wholeheartedly or something that inspires me to consider a topic further.  And his latest project is no exception.

Suicide rate among gay teens is far, far too high (not that any suicide is acceptable, but you get the idea).  Too many gay teens suffer from bullying day in and day out, and some of them see suicide as the only way out.  But Dan is trying to change that with It Gets Better.

It Gets Better is a new YouTube project Dan started in an effort to help young gay teens realize that life does get better.  Once you can leave the confines of your high school/small town/conservative family, life does get better.  You can move out, move away, or just stand up for yourself better.

Check out Dan’s first video with his husband.  If you want to participate, make your own YouTube video then email the project at mail@savagelove.net.

Anger Ball

I am a pretty opinionated person. Everyone who knows me knows this, and I'm pretty sure anyone who reads this blog has picked up on that! Thing is that these opinions of mine get me in trouble quite often. Well, not really trouble like people yelling at me or anything. That I could handle easily. They get me in trouble with myself.

When I get worked up over something my body tends to respond in kind, like most people. The problem is that I also have pretty terrible acid reflux. Actually, really terrible acid reflux. And my family has a history of high blood pressure. So when I get worked up, the rage I feel about any given issue ends up getting channeled into my body, which is very, very, very bad for me.

The problem is not that I have opinions though. I feel that I can justify my beliefs and I also feel that if someone can propose a rational counter-argument or different perspective (with sound justification) I am willing to change my stance. No, the problem is that have very strong beliefs makes me susceptible to becoming quickly enraged over things I cannot change, which leads to agitating my above mentioned reflux, which then frustrates me further… it's a nasty cycle.

Lately I've been getting very worked up over people's negative reactions to the recently passed Health Care Reform. I have still not heard a single, rational, logical opposition to this legislation, and yet the opposition continues to make uneducated, irrelevant arguments against what is now the law of the land. It was "shadily" passed? Really? Because from my perspective this piece of legislation had more public debate and openness than just about anything we've seen debated in recent years. It's unconstitutional? Straight up baseless rhetoric.

On top of that, there's been an increase in disturbing gun violence rhetoric. More and more people are taking to the Sarah Palin-esque mantle of "Loading Up" in preparation for… what? If they continue to follow that path, it will apparently mean loading up a gun and shooting specific politicians, as illustrated by her charts. Now, I'm going to assume that most people are sane and will not act out violently toward members of congress that supported HCR (or members who opposed it, for that matter). Most people are. But not everyone. And when the right-wing stirs their already rabid base with imagery and suggestive wording that indicates shooting people to get your way is OK… well, it's a bit worrisome.

Further, I find the idea that "loading up" to protect yourself from Government to be a bit laughable. I do support your right to own a gun in this country. So long as anyone is allowed to own guns, everyone else (within reasonable boundaries) should be allowed to protect themselves against others who have guns. I get that. Honestly I think there needs to be a nationwide gun ban, but that's highly unlikely considering the Second Amendment and all. But owning a gun so you can Fight The Man? Really? You do understand that The Man has tanks, F22s, highly-trained military special ops, and various other weaponry that the common person could hardly understand, right? Anyone remember Waco? Koresh was loaded to the brim, and look at how that worked out for him. All I'm saying is: own your gun if you believe it will help you protect yourself against others who might harm you, but don't trick yourself into believing for one moment that the cute handgun you just bought will stop The Man from taking over if He so chooses.

Have some faith in the system, people! Our country has survived via our system of government for centuries. Should we question the Government when they do something we disagree with? Absolutely. But there is a productive way to do that which typically nets results: activism. Organize, lobby, form a PAC… these are the things that can give you power in this country. Not inflammatory rhetoric. Not threatening violence. Cindy Sheehan had power because she acted and organized and had a cause. Pat Robertson built power the same way: by having a cause and organizing people around him (albeit he used the vices of religion and the old "give me money 'cause God said so" trip, but still). They built power and used it to fight for change. That's how to do it.

But all that said, I need to learn to take a step back and breath again. Stress, particularly over things that I ultimately cannot fix, does me no good. It doesn't help my general health and it certainly does not help me in my goal of getting slimmer and healthier. Plus no one wants to be around a grump. So this is me getting some of those issues off my chest so I can move on.

Three Important Fights

I'm reposting this from Courage Campaign's website basically wholesale. This coming Tuesday, three important gay rights intiatives will be on the ballots throughout the country. And for those of you that thought we only had elections every 4 years... well, this is for you. Pay attention and go out and vote! Also, anyone else that wants to copy and repost this, visit Courage Campaign's site and grab the HTML code. It's super easy.

Washington:

Who we are: Approve Referendum 71 is the campaign to preserve domestic partnerships in Washington State. By voting to approve, voters retain the domestic partnership laws that were passed during this year's legislative session, including using sick leave to care for a partner, adoption rights, insurance rights, and more.

What we need: We need phone bankers to get our supporters out to vote. Washington is an all mail-in ballot state, and we need to ensure our supporters put their ballots in the mail. Also, youth turnout is a critical component of our campaign, and youth turnout historically drops in off-year elections. So we need a lot of help to turn them out.

How you do it: Sign up here to make remote calls for Approve 71. We'll then contact you for a training, and you can make GOTV calls.

Maine:

Who we are: The No On 1/Protect Maine Equality campaign is working to protect Maine's recently-passed law legalizing marriage equality for same-sex couples. Our opponents have put the issue on the ballot for Nov 3, 2009. Because of Maine's early voting election laws, people are already voting at the polls, so we need help immediately to turn out our side at the polls.

What we need: We need you to devote a few hours to Call for Equality. Call for Equality is a virtual phonebank set up so that you can call Maine voters wherever you are. Much of Maine is rural, where canvassing isn't effective, so we need to reach these voters- along with other supporters- by phone. All you need is a phone and internet connection. No experience required! We'll provide the training, and all you need is a a few hours to help get a win in Maine.

How you do it: Click here to sign up for a training and your shift. There are lots of times available for your convenience.

Kalamazoo, MI:

Who We Are: The Yes on Ordinance 1856 / One Kalamazoo campaign is working in Michigan to support the City Commission of Kalamazoo's twice approved ordinance for housing, employment, and public accommodation protections for gay and transgender residents. Opponents forced a public referendum on the ordinance so dedicated local volunteers, led by former Stonewall Democrats Executive Director Jon Hoadley, are working to ensure voters say YES to fairness and equality and keep Ordinance 1856.

Why The Urgency: In the final weeks, the opposition has gone all out with aggressive disinformation and misleading red herrings to try to defeat the ordinance. This includes signs that say "No to Discrimination" (even though voting No actually supports continued discrimination of GLBT residents), transphobic door hangers and fliers, and now radio ads that falsely suggest that criminal behavior will become legal when this simply isn't true. The Yes on Ordinance 1856 supporters are better organized but many voters who want to vote for gay and transgender people are getting confused by the opposition.

How To Help:

1) Help the One Kalamazoo campaign raise a final $10,000 specifically dedicated to fight back against the lies on the local TV and radio airwaves and fully fund the campaign's final field and GOTV efforts.

Give here: http://www.actblue.com/page/3-2-1-countdown?refcode=courage

2) If you live nearby and can physically volunteer in Kalamazoo sign up here. If you know anyone that lives in Kalamazoo, use the One Kalamazoo campaign's online canvass tool to remind those voters that they need to vote on November 3rd and vote YES on Ordinance 1856 to support equality for gay and transgender people.

Contact voters: http://www.onekalamazoo.com/tellfriends2

To Wed Or Not To Wed

Good As You has a good article up today about the marriage equality in this country and how there are two growing camps within the LGBT community on how to best be civil advocates for marriage rights. Essentially, there is the camp that believes that LGBT couples should take advantage of marriage rights (or something not quite equal and definitely separate) where they can, and the camp that believes LGBT folk should abstain from marriage all together until we can receive full and Federal equal rights.

The marriage activists state that getting married when and where we can allows us as a community to show the world how important marriage is to us and that me marrying my boyfriend is not going to ruin the world. We should take advantage of the rights we are afforded when we are afforded them, and take California's Proposition 8 debacle as a sign of things to come: rights fought for may not always be there. Furthermore, when we do get married, like the couples in California that were able to prior to the hateful bile that is Prop 8, our marriages cause massive legal roadblocks and force people to question the legitimacy of statements like "those who are married can stay that way, but those who aren't already can't get married… and we have no idea what we'll do when it comes to divorce because we don't recognize same-sex couples as legally married… except sometimes."

The abstention group states that to show our opposition to the current state of affairs, and to force heterosexual people that may not even have truly considered the issue, we will not participate in the institution of marriage at all until we have full, Federal equality. We shouldn't marry where legal and we shouldn't participate in marriages. Don't go to your buddy's wedding or your sister's ceremony as a statement. Show the world what they are missing by not allowing us to partake in what should be our legal rights. If we can't get treated equally, than rewarding heterosexual couples for their special treatment doesn't help our cause.

While part of me wants to belong to the more radical thought process of abandoning marriage altogether, I just can't bring myself to that side of the debate. Don't get me wrong, I'm not necessarily against the concept, I just don't think it's the most useful argument for a couple reasons. First, this argument assumes that LGBT couples are actively participating in civil disobedience because they are refusing to marry. That in itself assumes that couples are in a place of the relationship where marriage is the next step. Second, chances are that if you are invited to a wedding, that person likely knows your sexual orientation and (hopefully, if they are your friend) are supportive of you. Punishing that person for not supporting equal rights when they likely do does not seem to be a good thing to do.

If someone is not support of you as an LGBT person, I say go all out on boycotting their wedding. I think it's quite a reasonable question when responding to a wedding invite if the happy-to-be couple supports marriage equality. If they respond in the affirmative, then feel free to join and bring your boyfriend/girlfriend with to the ceremony. However, if they respond negatively, politely letting them know that you can't stand for special treatment in this country is completely appropriate.

I also feel that the strongest statement we can make is to take advantage of our rights when and where we have them, assuming we are in a position to do so. Being able to demand that your work place offer your husband benefits or to introduce your wife as such without a hint or sarcasm is a very strong and powerful statement. It shows our desire as a community to have those rights and our willingness to assume those same responsibilities. It shows that this isn't a fight we are fighting just for shigiggles, but it's a war we are waging for ourselves.

If you don't believe that marriage is right for you and your partner, then I wouldn't presume to pressure you into marriage. I don't believe that we should rush out to marry frivolously. We should honor the concept, and cherish it as well. But I expect the same out of anyone getting married. The key here is that expect equal treatment; equal right to marry and equal responsibility to take that decision seriously. The same as any other couple. That's what we want, at the end of the day, isn't it? To be treated the same?

So while I respect those that had decided to abstain totally from the institution of marriage, I also respectfully disagree. I hope that I can join the ranks of the married some day. And I hope that I have the opportunity to think through the implications completely and to enjoy the benefits, just the same as every one else.

We Have To Change The Mentality

It seems like everyday we are running into this problem: Some one, some where has decided that the word Gay, in and of itself, must immediately mean Adult. Microsoft has been guilty of it. Amazon has been guilty of it. And now school districts are being called out for it. This mentality is one of the biggest challenges we as a community have to overcome, and it's a mentality that has to change.

Underlying this problem is that homosexuality must be spoke of only in grown-up circles, which means that Heterosexual people feel there is something naughty, wrong or dirty about gay people. That, my friends, is the real problem. Every day we hear about Parents complaining that they don't want their children taught about homosexuality at school, or that they will teach their kids about the Gays. Any suggestion that someone else will educate their children about sexuality (read: give their kids unbiased information about human sexuality) sets of some sort of red flag in these people and they freak out. Why do they freak out? Because in their minds, gay people are evil, and evil is something a child should not be exposed to.

It's not sexuality as a whole they are opposed to. No one complains about Cinderella being on the bookshelves or performed on stage. No one gripes that kids read through several Shakespeare plays. Parents hardly bat an eye at their kids reading Tess of the d'Urdervilles in English class. But put a children's book that talks about two same-sex penguins raising a baby penguin together and the world starts to fall apart. It is clear that these heterosexist people would prefer their children learn about rape and sexual subversion, as long as it's between opposite sex people, than learn about a happy home life without mention of sex at all, simply because that home life deals with two guy penguins.

I ran into this issue at a previous job and raised a stink about it. While I was not able to view sites like 365Gay, my contemporaries were able to surf sites like ESPN. What does gay news and sports news have to due with each other? Nothing, but that's my point. Sports news is irrelevant. It's pure entertainment. Yet gay news is flagged as bad with an "adult" warning splash page and a stern message that IT monitors all web traffic. 365Gay is a news organization. There is nothing particularly "adult" about news, not any more than CNN (which was not blocked). The underlying assumption is that if a site is gay-specific, then it must either be evil or pornographic and good workers wouldn't waste their time with it on the job. However, if those workers would like to fall in line with the heteronormative behavior of sports water-cooler talk, that is ok. I was not happy. I let people know. It was changed. I don't work there anymore.

This is the mentality that holds us back, and a mentality that we sometimes feed into. Ever been on a date in a hetero neighborhood with a guy who refuses to hold your hand because there are kids around? How about being out with a group of your gay pals who decide to "tone it down" because of the family at the table over? What about trying to pretend to not be boyfriends at the bookstore because that mommy an isle over gave you a dirty look and shuffled her kid ahead of her when she saw you sneak a quick peck? That feeds into this ideal because we're validating it. By being submissive to this concept that gay is bad or should not be presented to children, we are agreeing with it.

We have to fight this mentality, and the ONLY way to fight it is to be brazen and be brave. There is NOTHING wrong with you for being gay, and you relationship is not bad, evil, disgusting or any less appropriate than hetero relationships. THEY are the ones with the problem, but WE are the ones that have to make them recognize that reality. That not-so-subtle homophobia has gone unchecked for far to long.

Be Prepared For The Day Of Decision

I love the Internets. And I also love G.W.B. for giving us the ultra-intelligible pluralization of the Internet. Wait, did I just say I love G.W.B? Wow… those are words I never thought I'd see myself write.

Anyway, I really love the Internets for its amazing ability to allow quick organization and reaction. In the wake of Proposition 8's passage on November 4, we saw a swift and fast reaction, all driven through the magic of the Interwebs. LGBT's (and every other letter, apparently) all across this country of ours rallied within a week, taking over streets, forcing the nation to hear our voices and listen to us for once.

That energy, fueled by righteous anger, has died down, in part because it's fucking cold outside. But we can't let ourselves down now, we still have a lot of work to do. The California Supreme Court heard the verbal challenges to Proposition 8 last week, which was the last step in the legal fight against the measure (in California at least). All we can do now is wait for the Justices to either deem us as equal as they had previously decided, or change their minds and relegate us queers to the sidelines again because a bunch of whiny ass magical ghost lovers had a hissy fit. They have 90 days from the verbal arguments to make an official decision, but the announcement could come any day now.

From the accounts of everyone that watched the proceedings, things do not look particularly rosy for the gays. It appears that yet again we will be forced to prove our validity to life and acceptance. In reaction to… well, rather in preparation for the reaction to the announcement, so of our strongest grass-roots minds have created a new initiative to prepare the LGBT movement for our next step: Day of Decision.

The Day of Decision is a movement to get our community prepared and ready for the Final Word of the Cali Supreme Court. Once their decision is made public, whether it be good or bad, we need to be ready to act and let the nation know how we feel about whatever is decided. Will we be partying or protesting? Honestly, it's hard to tell right now, but we should be prepared for both possibilities, and that is exactly what Day of Decision is about.

Go to the website and sign up to be an organizer. Or stay up to date on planning initiatives by visiting the site regularly. Help the cause and spread the word. We need to be ready to act, because if we fail to react to the decision, we will send the absolute wrong message to the world.

Fighting Against The Wall

I don't get it. I'm angry. I'm a fighter. But I also recognize where there is a wall and that beating on that wall is useless. The wall doesn't invalidate our fight, but there's other ways around the wall than straight through.

There will always be angry, anti-gay Christian Extremists in the world. At least as long as we're alive, since I doubt the next fad religion will pop up anytime soon. People like Peter LaBarbera, who post up (presumably real) letters from gay people threatening him in an attempt to raise money from supporters and show the world how evil we Gays really are, will always be ignorant. Although people have changed opinions before, it's highly unlikely that people that make their living off of Extremism will ever change. I've accepted that and moved on. I can achieve my prize of acceptance and equality without him.

What saddens me then is when people I respect, like Jeremy from Good As You, posts up a response in kind, showing the world similar letters that he receives in what amounts to a "I know you are, but what am I?" argument. There are other things to worry about than LaBarbera's assassanine attempts to defame our community. Move around him, make him irrelevant, and he will disappear.

I suppose it upsets me because saying "Me Too!" to an argument doesn't really win the argument, nor does it further it. The fact that either personality receives hate mail is irrelevant. Everyone who has posted an opinion anywhere has received hate messages. Hell, I have, and I have just a handful of readers. The way to attack LaBarbera is to invalidate his claims. Who cares that he receives hate mail? He's an ass-hat, he deserves the hate mail. What we want is equality, and argueing about who's hate mail is worse doesn't get us to that goal, it simply gets us to obssess over the the wall rather than finding a way around it.

Take Me To Your Leader Ship

I'm a bit frustrated. Actually, forget that, I'm extremely frustrated. Every time I've opened my RSS feeds in the past week and clicked on my "Gay" grouping to read what the gay blogosphere is talking about, I'm confronted with multiple postings about needing a gay leader. Writers whine about not having another Harvey Milk alive today, or cry about the general lack of direction the LGBT community has right now… and it's getting a bit old.

Here's a real harsh reality we have to face in the Queer world, and I'm just as guilty of it as the next 'mo: we are extremely reactionary and judgmental.

We take all of our leaders and trash them to hell within their first ten minutes of leadership. Why? Because we saw them talking to a conservative figurehead without eating that person's babies. Because they did not immediately thrash out at the latest bit of legislation that did not include free lube for all. Because they chose to attend the rally put together by the Lesbian Activist Front vs. the Gay Liberation League. We quickly assign blame and toss them aside.

The movie Milk has done a lot to show us why we need a leader in this time, and I think that is one of the many reasons we as a community are looking for that leader now. But if we all lived during Harvey's time in San Francisco, I'm quite confident that we would have chided him for even thinking about working with a person like Dan White. Not undeservingly, we've cast a martyr's halo over Milk's life and career, so we wouldn't dare criticize him now, but the point is that we shouldn't criticize our own for crossing the line in the sand from time-to-time.

Does that mean that I now think it's OK for Rick Warren to speak at Obama's inauguration? Nope, not at all. Do I think it's OK for Obama to meet with Warren from time-to-time to hear out the crack-job communities' perspective? Sure, that's not a bad idea.

My point is that if we want a leader, if the LGBT community truly wants someone to stand up and take the helm of this movement, here's what has to happen:

A - We back down from attacking our own
B - We accept that while someone may be an enemy, we may still need them at some point, if only to throw them under the bus
C - We demand the highest of expectations of that leader while also recognizing that she/he is not godly, but merely human
D - We create opportunities for someone to rise to the challenge.

How does one even become a leader in this haze of noise? If there were even someone out there who could lead such a diverse community, are we even able to hear them now? And if we could hear them, would they want to lead?

A New Way To Make An Impact

Awhile ago I was reading a study of Gen Y-ers, people of my generation. The study looked at what people of my generation want from the world and expect from the world, with a particular focus on the workplace. While the study was designed to shine some light on my confusing generation's work ethics, it actually turned up some rather more interesting information.

I'd link the article but I can't seem to find it anymore. However, the interesting tidbit had more to do with our expectations of the world rather than the work place. To summarize, we Gen Y-ers expect social change and justice, and we expect it to happen without arguments and fights, which we see as primitive and backwards. In other words, we want what we want not and we see no reason that we should have to actually fight for it.

This translates almost perfectly to the current gay movement. I've said it a million times: I just don't get why we have to fight. I honestly don't understand why anyone listens to these Christian Regressionists that have shown time and time again that they'd prefer us to be in another Dark Age. I simply can't comprehend any valid reason to be anti-gay. But I know we have to fight and we have to keep struggling, or we won't get anything.

Yesterday's Day Without A Gay seems to not have been that big of a success, as I was worried about. Not a single gay man I know stayed home in protest. Of course, that's anecdotal, but it is telling. From reports of the event, people that did stay home either called in "sick" or worked it out with their employer before hand. Weak.

Look, I thought we should have approached the whole thing differently, but if you wanted to participate, you should have gone full-force and done it. Don't putz around. Calling in generically "sick" didn't accomplish a damned thing because it did not force those you know and work with to consider their positions (i.e., the whole point of a protest/demonstration), and the same goes for pre-arranging. The point is to make a point, not to be casual observers of others making a point for you.

I don't believe that a statement like Day Without A Gay works for our movement. I think we need our own voice and have to stop copying those that came before us. Some things work, like marches and public protests. Deciding where to spend your hard-earned income based on knowledge about the companies you shop from also helps. But in this environment and with our generation's need for instant action/reaction, a work boycott simply doesn't work.

Instead, we need to band together and make actionable statements to those around us. People don't vote against that cute kid next door or the nice tech guy that always fixes my computer at work, they vote against the mythical militant gay guy. They vote against the things they perceive or flat-out don't know, which is why the Christian Conservatives are trying so damned hard to paint us as ugly, angry, mob-like, militant Queers. But if we make concerted efforts to let people know who we are, by coming out to people and letting them know why those kinds of anti-gay initiatives really hurt us, then we'll make a difference. People can't vote against the sweet gay boy that is hurt and broken.

That's why I strongly support the White Knot campaign and why I think our focus should be on one-to-one activism when we aren't in the streets. Our fight's don't have to take place on weekend only. We can fight this battle everyday in the office. At church. On the bus. On Facebook. But we have to fight it, we can't run from it, which is sadly what I felt like Day Without A Gay ultimately was: escapism. The world exists as it is now, full of hate toward us. It's up to us to change it, one heart and mind at a time.

Feasting On Cleve Jones

I just finished listening to today's episode of Feast of Fools and I can't help but let the activist gene in my out a bit more. First of all, for those not in the know, Feast of Fools is a gay comedy podcast produced locally in Chicago. The hosts Fausto and Marc are an adorable couple that's been together for years now and have been working ardently on the podcast and the various other iterations of the show for just as long. The show has won multiple podcast awards and shows absolutely no signs of slowing down. If you are looking for an excellent example of what podcasting is and what it can be, you need to check out Feast of Fools.

Ok, now that I completely shilled for these guys (ok, not really shilled, I just really like them and think everyone should give them a listen), now to the point. Today's episode featured Cleve Jones. Cleve is the man who birthed the concept of the AIDS quilt, and may also be recognized by everyone who saw MILK as the young kid that gave Harvey some sass only to later take on his mantle. He's just as inspiring to hear as he is to see personified on screen, and I think everyone should listen to hear what he has to say about our current political situation.

At one point in the conversation, Cleve makes the case that we should stop meddling with these state and local issues and bring the fight to the Federal system, and I have to say that I agree. Fighting for our freedoms in our neighborhoods is nice, but if I'm only protected in one are of the country, have I really won any freedoms or have I been confined to a corner by those who oppose us? As far as marriage is concerned, the biggest power of marriage equality is that the Federal government ensures that all marriages are seen and recognized from state to state. While marriage in California and New York or wherever is important, if it isn't recognized while you're on vacation to Texas or Oregon, then again, have we really won?

This is not to say that we shouldn't build the movement on local issues, but we should be keenly aware that the Federal level is the goal. With the current structure of our Federal Government, there is little to no reason we should not push very hard for our protections, rights and freedoms. It's time our community grab itself by the balls and realize that we do not have to be subservient any longer. We do not have to live by someone else's ideal of who we are. Be Proud and demand your rights!

Make Dec. 10 A Day WITH A Gay

A Day Without A Gay is a movement being put together to essentially show the world that us gays are a) relevant, b) a financial force to be reckoned with, and c) that we are everywhere. What is suppose to happen is on December 10, the LGBT community is suppose to call in to work "gay." Not sick day, not a vacation day, simple a day that we refuse to come to work because we are gay.

I'll let that sink in for a moment, then we'll continue.

Ok. This is such an interesting idea and one that has the potential to make a HUGE impact on people! … of course, that's assuming we live and work in areas and in jobs that won't fire us for being gay or for abusing leave policies. And this would also have a HUGE impact on service industries, that tend to be dominated by our people… assuming that if you work in one of these typically hourly environments you can afford to take the day off.

In turn, the organizers have asked people to then spend the day working for a charity or philanthropic organization, or even attend a rally like the one being hosted here in Chicago. The idea is that if we don't go to work and don't spend any money but instead volunteer our time for the needy, then we'll show those straights what they are missing!

I hate to be a contrarian, but this actually won't show a single hetero person anything. They won't see us. We won't be at work. We won't be talking to them about our gay lives and our gay boyfriends. We will, in essence, be just as invisible, actually more so, than we've been for quite some time now. In fact, many of the haters will take it as a victory for them because we won't be around them, which is exactly what the haters want.

Invisibility will never accomplish acceptance! Let me put it another way: If we hide from the people that hate us, about 70% of the Florida population and at least 52% of the California population, they will never change their minds because they will not be forced to re-examine their ignorant hatred.

I say instead of A Day Without A Gay we give the public A Day With A Gay. Instead of tucking our tail and hiding for a day and passively hoping that someone takes notice, we bring it to them. Wear a rainbow or white knot and explain to everyone why you are wearing it. Let everyone around you know why you are mad about your rights being stripped from you and why they should be afraid the same thing could happen to them. Tell them exactly what can be done to stop it from happening in the future. If they know who we are, if they know how much it hurts and why it hurts, they can't hate us.

Activism is key in this movement and we must act swiftly to make a change, but hiding who we are will never help us achieve our goals of equality. If we aren't there to tell them why these anti-gay initiatives are evil, then our enemy will be. Don't let your friends and co-workers be swayed by the Scare Bears. Take a stand and let them know!

Milk: Not Just For The Gays?

I don't often get moved to tears by films. They just don't push me very far, and I think most times it's because I don't identify with the character's emotions. Seeing a heterosexual couple's unrequited love on screen for the 18 millionth time doesn't do it for me, not because I'm not hetero, but because that doesn't speak to my experience. Sure, I've had unrequited crushes before, but those were a completely different set of circumstances, and in many of the cases I would never be able to earn the attention of my longing because they simply were not gay, unlike most of these romantic movies where the hetero guy/girl simply annoys the shit out of their opposite sex crush until they give in. But when a film maker takes the time to speak to me, directly to the heart of who I am, then I can truly be moved by a film.

This weekend, I went with my boyfriend and a few friends to see Milk, as we had planned. I know, everyone in the gay blogosphere is raving about how great the movie is. And it's true, the movie is simply brilliant. I related to the characters on so many levels, and I felt strongly about the ideals being espoused by the characters and the film maker. I teared up in more than a few occasions, and my sweet boyfriend who knows me all too well knew exactly when to pacify me with a kiss or caress as the bigots spoke or the police beat innocent people in the streets. As we left the theater, I was awe struck at the power the movie had on me, but was also intrigued to find out that not everyone felt the same way as I did about the movie.

One of my friends just didn't like the movie. What's worse (according to another gentleman we talked to the next day) was that my friend is gay… and apparently, being gay means you must like Milk. I've stated above that I loved the flick, but my friend had some solid reasons why he didn't like the movie. Mainly, he felt the character development was lacking. Truth be told, I think I agree with him there. We were introduced to many characters in the film, and did not see really that much progression in them throughout the picture, which ultimately makes it hard for people to connect to the characters… unless they are passionate about the content or message. Which I am. Which is why I loved it.

Not to say that my friend isn't an activist. He is, but I have a feeling that he doesn't hold quite as liberal views on equality issues as I do, as evidenced by our discussion on hate crime legislation (I'm in favor of it, he's not… we talked about it once, then realized our friendship was more important that a disagreement on public policy). I think that I idolize people like Harvey Milk, that can stand up and fight for our community, and I also think that my friend thinks there are other ways to achieve these same goals. I'm not sure they are mutually exclusive concepts either. Like I said about Corporate Advocacy vs Grass Roots campaigns, I feel they need to coexist to ultimately win. I have a feeling that I'm more the in-the-streets activist and he's more the lobbyist activist.

All that aside, it makes me then wonder how well Milk will do in front of general (read: heterosexual) audiences. Will straight people really connect with the message, or even the characters? I would hope that, even if they do not personally connect, that they get a better perspective on the LGBT community and struggles. Brokeback Mountain did very well in front of straight audiences, but that was not nearly a political picture. Beautiful and tragic, yes, but not political. Milk is political. It's highly relevant. And with all the emotions raging across the country regarding what should be my legal rights to marriage, will "middle-of-the-road" thinkers really get into Milk?

Get With It

One of my biggest complaints about the Gay Rights Movement in the past few years is that it's been quiet and complacent.  We've been all too happy to accept the small, ultimately meaningless, gains in exchange for our peaceful subservience to the Christian-Conservative Overlords that have been running our country.  As a result, nothing of substance has happened, and even more so, some of the rights that we have fought in the "politically correct" arena have been stripped from us. 

It's not just the "corporate" mind set of our National Organizations that is the problem though.  GLAAD and HRC exist for very specific things, and it's my belief that they should continue to do what they do best, but it is becoming increasingly obvious that they are not good at leading our community as a whole to action.  As Michael Crawford over at Bilerco Project put it:

While there are many smart and politically savvy people in positions of leadership in our organizations, I do wonder how much of gay conventional wisdom is shaped by psychic damage caused by the intrinsic evil of the closet and internalized homophobia.

That is not to say that our leaders are closet cases, but how much of the timidness and unwillingness to speak openly and forcefully about our lives and our families is the result of old-school political battles necessitating a less overtly "gay" style of activism?

We have been too scared to act up for too long.  It's time to be activists.  It's time to let people know why they can't take away our rights.  It's time we stop acting like scared, closeted high school students afraid of the Jocks finding out for fear of beating and start acting like the proud, successful, happy queers we are!