Warm And Gooey > Cold And Crispy

What I wanted to eat for a snack yesterday:

What I actually ate for my snack yesterday:

Sometimes eating better is just plain boring!

Losing Weight: Body Image Issues Are Hard

One of the things I did not expect when I started on my weight loss odyssey is the odd psychological effects losing weight can have on a person. I've shed some body image issues just to acquire all new ones. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy with the more than 40 pounds I've lost, it's just that weight loss comes with a few new mental problems that no one really talks about.

Although I feel better about myself now, there are times where I just hate that I've lost weight. I know, queue the world's smallest violin… believe me, I get it. But it's true, and just because I've lost weight doesn’t mean I my feelings on the matter are less valid. I started on my weight loss journey back at the end of October, but since then I've not particularly had the time or ability to refurnish my wardrobe. I've picked up a few items here and there, but by and large my closet is still the same now at 158 lbs as it was at 200 lbs.

So what does this mean for me? Well, it means that I'm still wearing larger clothes. I'm struggling to make belts fit and find ways to make my favorite shirts wearable. Some things I just can't wear anymore. It affects me in a way that I can only describe as nostalgic. Things would be easier if I just put on the weight again and could fit into my clothes. I think I just need to get new clothes to fix this problem, but some of those clothes are still my favorites and it's hard to let go of them.

The biggest problem I've run into though is straight up body image issues. I've lost 40 pounds. It's noticeable to anyone that's known me then and now. But sometimes I don't see it. Sometimes I look in the mirror and can't see a change at all. Sometimes I feel like I've just wasted time eating better and exercising because I'm still just a chubby guy. I know in my heart that is not the case because just two minutes before thinking that I had to find a belt to hold up the pants that use to fit snug, but in my mind I still feel like I'm big.

This is even weirder for me to handle when I get hit on, which is happening with more frequency. I'm use to being mildly invisible, but now I'm mildly attractive. So when someone approaches me with a little smile and a flirty eye-lash flicker, I feel guilty. I feel like I'm lieing to them because they see a cute guy and all I see is a chubby boy. Those flirtations should be another sign to me that I have lost weight and should act as a tool to help reinforce a new body image, but more often than not I catch myself feeling bad instead of proud.

I know some of my readers at this point are still thinking that this is me throwing myself an unwarranted pity party. The thing is that as I've been losing weight I've been seeking out on-line forums that feature other people that have been going through similar issues. Truth be told though, there aren't many resources for guys out there. I guess we are suppose to be concerned with bulking up or whatever, but some of us just want to be thinner. I have found a few forums like 3 Fat Chicks, but they are pretty targeted to women exclusively. No hate to the ladies out there, but body image issues affect men and women differently I think.

Overall, I'm really well aware of how much work I've put in to losing weight and I am aware that it shows. I wish there was more information available for those of us losing weight about how to handle these body image issues though. I suppose most people are just happy when they lose weight and maybe I'm a freak, but I think more people go through this than admit it. It's kind of taboo to say things like "my weight loss has affected my self-image negatively." And it's not even that I look at my self negatively now as compared to at 200 lbs, it's just that I'm having trouble adjusting to me now.

Goals Acheived

Here we are in June and I've been keeping (mostly) strong to my work out habbits and eating plans. Sure, there are days when I eat poorly or not as structured as I would like, and there are weeks when I don't get to the gym 3 times like I've promised myself, but overall I'm sticking with my plans.

I'm at a point now where I can't seem to drop more weight. My original goal was 155 pounds, and I'm very close at 159. But those four pounds make a big difference to me. Don't get me wrong, in very happy with 159, but I wouldn't be upset with 155.

Part of this lack of progression is due to my more lax approach to this whole regiment. The other part is that my work out now is more focused on strength training than weight loss. And while I'd like to actually weigh 155, i'd be much happier if I looked healthy and relatively in shape.

But all-in-all I'd say the goals I've set out for myself back in October when I decided it was time to lose weight are acheived. I feel good, I believe I look good (if the way my fiancé looks at me is any indication ;) ), and all that makes me happy.

Next up: beach body! ;)

A Year In Pictures

In which I reveal pictures of me throughout the year to show how much weight I gained throughout the year and have subsequently been losing in the last few months:

Starting the year with last winter.

Then comes the spring... bad t-shirt choice

Moving into the Summer and I'm hiding behind my boyfriend

On into the fall, on our vacation, right before I decided to start losing weight.

Finally, it's New Year's Eve, and I'm shedding the pounds.

Probably seems a bit self involved to post these, but I'm really proud of myself for actually being able to make a change and start losing weight again. I'm down to 169 now. When I started, I was nearly 200 pounds. Only a few more to go and I'm be in my happy "target weight."