Yesterday, our newly re-elected Governor in Illinois, Pat Quinn, signed into law the legal recognition of same-sex couples via Civil Unions here in the Land of Lincoln. I couldn't be there in person (pesky job asking that people be at work!), but I do get the wonderful benefit of now being marginally less second-class in this country!
When my husband and I were planning our wedding last year, we had a lot of people ask why not just go to Iowa and get married. Their supreme court had legalized same-sex marriage not too long ago, and Iowa is only a couple hours drive from here, so that would seem like the logical thing to do. But we chose to go to Vancouver instead, which is no where near as easy to get to.
The biggest reason we went with a Canadian destination wedding (aside from Bride magazine telling us destination weddings were all the rage last year, obvy) was that we wanted to make sure that the laws would not change wherever we got married. We saw what happened in California and saw the confusion that exists there with some couples being married, some being in civil unions, others wrapped up in lawsuits, and we knew that could easily happen if we went somewhere else in the states.
And we weren't wrong. Right now, some Iowans are pushing hard to create an amendment to their state constitution to bar marriage equality, which is the only option the haters have left to over-turn the high court's ruling. Haters gotta hate, I suppose.
So we went to Canada. The laws aren't going to change up there. Even if the U.S. decides that only marriages between two straight, Christian, child-rearing folk will be recognized here, we know that we are still legally married somewhere. And if we go somewhere that does support LGBT folk as fully-recognized human beings, that marriage will be recognized there as well.
I'm glad to see civil unions come to Illinois. We've still got a ways to go toward real equality, but with this we've taken another step. And, from a personal perspective, I'm very happy that I will now be legally recognized here in this state as my husband's husband. I still have a few questions I need to get answered from a legal stand point (what, if anything, do we need to do?), but this FAQ (PDF) that Equality Illinois put together is really great if anyone else out there needs some more information.
Showing posts with label Wedding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wedding. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Thoughts On Closing Arguments
Today is the day. Well, one of The Days at least. Today is the day that the Proposition 8 trial will hear closing argument. After today, there will be nothing left to do but wait for the judge to rule.
He's going to be ruling specifically on Proposition 8 and whether the law has any legal validity, but this one ruling could affect many other states, possibly even support a full on case in the US Supreme Court. If prop 8 is knocked down for being the vile, hate-filled, ignorance-driven drivel that it is, than the same tactics used in this case can be used in other states.
There isn't much else to say on marriage equality, to be honest. What has been said is more than sufficient to support my right to legally marry my fiancé, and those that oppose it have sufficiently shown themselves to have nothing but unfounded bias in their hearts. Does that make them bigots? Some of them yes, but most of them are just too lazy to examine the reality so they follow along with the loud-mouth bigots.
My fiancé and I leave for Vancouver in a week and in a week and a half we'll be married. Legally. As recognized by the government of Canada and several other nations that openly support marriage equality. But when we come home, we'll still be just another queer couple fighting for basic rights in the eyes of our government.
Recently a co-workers husband suffered a stroke. It was pretty bad from what we've gathered, but he survived. He's had to go through serious rehabilitation to retrain his brain to talk properly and walk correctly because those functions were damaged in the stroke. Luckily the federal government provides the Family Medical Leave Act which provides that employers must allow for time off for her so that she can be there to help in her husband's rehabilitation. It's a tough spot for her to be in, but FMLA helps.
If either of me or my husband to be were in the same boat we would not be afforded that right. The federal government does boy provide that protection to us because it will not recognize out marriage. My employer has voluntarily extended that right to me, although I must provides mountains of documentation whereas hetero couples simply provide a marriage certificate. But his employer does not provide that same benefit. If I were to fall sick or something tragic happen to me, we would have to chose between having an income and him being there to help me recover.
We are often asked what exactly we would gain from marriage equality. While there is some truth to gaining public acceptance and equal societal standing, the reality is that we would gain basic, human rights. The right to see my husband in the hospital without question. The right to make decisions on each others behalf if we can no longer make a decision for ourselves. The right to not lose our jobs because our family is working through a tragedy.
Sure, maybe this all seems melodramatic. Maybe you're thinking this post is just a little too serious for a Wednesday morning. But as I get closer to being married, I've started to really examine these questions. It's not just a word or a term anymore. It is a set of right, benefits, and protections from our goverent, as well as a final committment to my partner. And I can't for the life of me understand what is so terrible about that.
He's going to be ruling specifically on Proposition 8 and whether the law has any legal validity, but this one ruling could affect many other states, possibly even support a full on case in the US Supreme Court. If prop 8 is knocked down for being the vile, hate-filled, ignorance-driven drivel that it is, than the same tactics used in this case can be used in other states.
There isn't much else to say on marriage equality, to be honest. What has been said is more than sufficient to support my right to legally marry my fiancé, and those that oppose it have sufficiently shown themselves to have nothing but unfounded bias in their hearts. Does that make them bigots? Some of them yes, but most of them are just too lazy to examine the reality so they follow along with the loud-mouth bigots.
My fiancé and I leave for Vancouver in a week and in a week and a half we'll be married. Legally. As recognized by the government of Canada and several other nations that openly support marriage equality. But when we come home, we'll still be just another queer couple fighting for basic rights in the eyes of our government.
Recently a co-workers husband suffered a stroke. It was pretty bad from what we've gathered, but he survived. He's had to go through serious rehabilitation to retrain his brain to talk properly and walk correctly because those functions were damaged in the stroke. Luckily the federal government provides the Family Medical Leave Act which provides that employers must allow for time off for her so that she can be there to help in her husband's rehabilitation. It's a tough spot for her to be in, but FMLA helps.
If either of me or my husband to be were in the same boat we would not be afforded that right. The federal government does boy provide that protection to us because it will not recognize out marriage. My employer has voluntarily extended that right to me, although I must provides mountains of documentation whereas hetero couples simply provide a marriage certificate. But his employer does not provide that same benefit. If I were to fall sick or something tragic happen to me, we would have to chose between having an income and him being there to help me recover.
We are often asked what exactly we would gain from marriage equality. While there is some truth to gaining public acceptance and equal societal standing, the reality is that we would gain basic, human rights. The right to see my husband in the hospital without question. The right to make decisions on each others behalf if we can no longer make a decision for ourselves. The right to not lose our jobs because our family is working through a tragedy.
Sure, maybe this all seems melodramatic. Maybe you're thinking this post is just a little too serious for a Wednesday morning. But as I get closer to being married, I've started to really examine these questions. It's not just a word or a term anymore. It is a set of right, benefits, and protections from our goverent, as well as a final committment to my partner. And I can't for the life of me understand what is so terrible about that.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
The Plate, It Is Full
You know, The Infamous They always says that one should not load too many things on one's plate. We as people can only take on some many stressful activities at once before we start to crack. And I wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment. Of course, just because I agree with it doesn’t mean that I act on the advice at all!
Right now, I'm working on a job transition (same company, different position… hopefully, but it haven't gone through yet), my fiancé and I are moving in a week, we have our wedding in just two months (of which we still have some planning to do), and we have family visiting in a couple of weeks. None of these activities are often listed in the "fun" category of life activities. Actually, most are listed in the "pull your hair out" category.
Because of this, we've both been on edge lately, but I'm hoping for a change of pace very soon. Next week we'll be moved in to our new place and will hopefully have things sorted out with the job around that time as well. The trip from the family will be fun, but we still need to make some plans for the weekend. But the wedding… well, that's going to be stressful until after that weekend is over.
It's funny to me that no matter how modest we originally planned our wedding to be, it seems to grow and grow to something bigger than we planned for. Of course, other interesting problems have present themselves with regard to the wedding that make planning "interesting," but more than anything it's just hilarious to look back at what our original plans were and what we've devised for ourselves now.
In any case, the stress will be over soon and summer will be in full swing, which means tons of street fairs, beach time, and outdoor socializing.
Right now, I'm working on a job transition (same company, different position… hopefully, but it haven't gone through yet), my fiancé and I are moving in a week, we have our wedding in just two months (of which we still have some planning to do), and we have family visiting in a couple of weeks. None of these activities are often listed in the "fun" category of life activities. Actually, most are listed in the "pull your hair out" category.
Because of this, we've both been on edge lately, but I'm hoping for a change of pace very soon. Next week we'll be moved in to our new place and will hopefully have things sorted out with the job around that time as well. The trip from the family will be fun, but we still need to make some plans for the weekend. But the wedding… well, that's going to be stressful until after that weekend is over.
It's funny to me that no matter how modest we originally planned our wedding to be, it seems to grow and grow to something bigger than we planned for. Of course, other interesting problems have present themselves with regard to the wedding that make planning "interesting," but more than anything it's just hilarious to look back at what our original plans were and what we've devised for ourselves now.
In any case, the stress will be over soon and summer will be in full swing, which means tons of street fairs, beach time, and outdoor socializing.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Many More Details Ironed Out
A lot has happened on the wedding front in the past few weeks! We've nailed down where we are staying, when we are arriving and departing, found our Marriage Commissioner, and even found the location for the wedding. Normally I would have taken the time to write about these things as I went, but time has just not allowed for that. So instead, here's a synopsis of all the new developments:
Where We're Staying
We had been going back and forth about where in Vancouver we wanted to stay. On one hand, we thought a cute Bed and Breakfast outside the city would be nice. The upside of the B&B option is that it would be small and we could probably rent out the entire B&B for a weekend, but the downside is that finding lodging for anyone that couldn't stay at the B&B would be difficult and transporting people to and from would prove a challenge as well. On the other hand we could stay in a hotel in Vancouver proper and block off a set of rooms for our guests. The upside with the hotel would be having everyone centrally located and in the heart of the city, but we'd then be dealing with a Hotel and all their "coporateness" and employees that aren't always the best.
As luck would have it though, we stumbled upon a solution that combines the best of both worlds: The Nelson House B&B, located right in the heart of Vancouver! It's a gay-owned B&B, so there's no question that the place will be friendly to us on our wedding weekend, and it's a smaller, warmer atmosphere, which is what we wanted as well. Further, there are a ton of other hotels within a couple blocks, so any of our quests that can't stay at the B&B have plenty of options, and everyone gets to stay in the heart of the city so transportation is that much easier.
When We're Staying
As I've said before, our wedding will be on June 26. It's a cute date for us because it will be our regular dating anniversary as well. So given that we'll be getting married on a Saturday, we've decided to fly into Vancouver on the Thursday before hand, which will give us time to get settled in and get all of the necessary documents for the marriage. Also, we're planning on sticking around until Tuesday afternoon so that we can see any of our guests off and so we can spend a little bit of time in the city exploring and sight seeing.
Marriage Commissioner
For anyone not marrying in a church, Vancouver requires you hire a licensed Marriage Commissioner to preside over the ceremony. The Canadian government provides a fairly easy-to-search directory if you need to find a Commissioner, but we just asked the owners of the B&B if they had anyone they reccomended. Luckily they did and after emailing with her a few times to make sure our times matched up and such, we booked her.
Location
I say we found the location, and by found I mean we're 95% sure of the location. Our Marriage Commissioner has offered to host the ceremony at her home, and after just a tiny bit of cyber-stalking via Google Maps and Google Earth, I think her place will make a nice setting for our ceremony. We may consider other locations, but to be honest, I think her house will be a great setting and will require a lot less coordination on our part, which is always a plus!
What's Left?
So what's left to plan? Way too many details! We still need to decide on a restaurant to host our reception dinner, figure out how to get from our hotel to the ceremony and back, coordinate guests, and possibly plan other activities for the weekend. And then there's the matter of what to wear. And I'm sure there's about a thousand other details in the mix somewhere that we haven't even thought of yet. In my mind though, we've crossed a critical barrier and have some of the biggest questions out of the way, and I'm both excited and relieved to have these details fleshed out.
Where We're Staying
We had been going back and forth about where in Vancouver we wanted to stay. On one hand, we thought a cute Bed and Breakfast outside the city would be nice. The upside of the B&B option is that it would be small and we could probably rent out the entire B&B for a weekend, but the downside is that finding lodging for anyone that couldn't stay at the B&B would be difficult and transporting people to and from would prove a challenge as well. On the other hand we could stay in a hotel in Vancouver proper and block off a set of rooms for our guests. The upside with the hotel would be having everyone centrally located and in the heart of the city, but we'd then be dealing with a Hotel and all their "coporateness" and employees that aren't always the best.
As luck would have it though, we stumbled upon a solution that combines the best of both worlds: The Nelson House B&B, located right in the heart of Vancouver! It's a gay-owned B&B, so there's no question that the place will be friendly to us on our wedding weekend, and it's a smaller, warmer atmosphere, which is what we wanted as well. Further, there are a ton of other hotels within a couple blocks, so any of our quests that can't stay at the B&B have plenty of options, and everyone gets to stay in the heart of the city so transportation is that much easier.
When We're Staying
As I've said before, our wedding will be on June 26. It's a cute date for us because it will be our regular dating anniversary as well. So given that we'll be getting married on a Saturday, we've decided to fly into Vancouver on the Thursday before hand, which will give us time to get settled in and get all of the necessary documents for the marriage. Also, we're planning on sticking around until Tuesday afternoon so that we can see any of our guests off and so we can spend a little bit of time in the city exploring and sight seeing.
Marriage Commissioner
For anyone not marrying in a church, Vancouver requires you hire a licensed Marriage Commissioner to preside over the ceremony. The Canadian government provides a fairly easy-to-search directory if you need to find a Commissioner, but we just asked the owners of the B&B if they had anyone they reccomended. Luckily they did and after emailing with her a few times to make sure our times matched up and such, we booked her.
Location
I say we found the location, and by found I mean we're 95% sure of the location. Our Marriage Commissioner has offered to host the ceremony at her home, and after just a tiny bit of cyber-stalking via Google Maps and Google Earth, I think her place will make a nice setting for our ceremony. We may consider other locations, but to be honest, I think her house will be a great setting and will require a lot less coordination on our part, which is always a plus!
What's Left?
So what's left to plan? Way too many details! We still need to decide on a restaurant to host our reception dinner, figure out how to get from our hotel to the ceremony and back, coordinate guests, and possibly plan other activities for the weekend. And then there's the matter of what to wear. And I'm sure there's about a thousand other details in the mix somewhere that we haven't even thought of yet. In my mind though, we've crossed a critical barrier and have some of the biggest questions out of the way, and I'm both excited and relieved to have these details fleshed out.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
State Of The Wedding Address
I've been quiet on the wedding planning front, and for good reason. Frankly, things have been chaotic and trying to plan everything is taking most of the time that I previously used for blogging about it. I know they say it in the movies, but this one they got right: planning a wedding is hard work!
Looking back at my last wedding update (OMG, I haven't written about this since October??), we were considering the possibility of marrying in Chicago because of the introduction of a marriage equality bill here. However, little to no action has taken place on the bill, so I have to still put that in my "hopefully this will pass" dreams. All that said, we are set on going to Vancouver in Canada for our wedding.
Why Vancouver?
So why Vancouver? A few reasons:
1 - We want to make sure that wherever I get married, my union will be legally recognized. Marrying in Canada means the entire federal government of that country recognizes me and my husband as a married couple, and should we ever need to provide proof of that marriage, we have a legally sanctioned, federal document supporting our nuptials.
2 - We don't want to marry somewhere that may change their minds shortly after we marry. After the debacle in California, I'm not sure I trust any state to continue to support marriage equality. Politicians, and particularly the Democratic Party, are a shifty bunch and voters are even less reliable. We don't want to think about getting married somewhere then two months later some hillbilly down the street changing their minds and revoking our legally married status.
3 - We want to marry somewhere that people actually want us. We don't want to worry about finding a particular church that can possibly tolerate us (not that we would marry in a church, but still…) or a reception hall that would be oh so kind as to "deal" with us queers. No, we'd rather reward someplace that will welcome us and be happy to have us.
4 - That said, Vancouver is both gay friendly and very beautiful. Not to mention it won't be nearly as expensive as it normally would consider the city will still be trying to recover from the tourism slump that always follows being an Olympic Host City.
So What About The Reception?
Another thing we have decided on is the reception. Our initial idea was to host our wedding in Canada for just us, then have a reception in Chicago for our family and friends. While this is a great idea and a very sweet idea, it is frankly just too expensive.
We don't have an endless supply of money to put together both a trip to Canada for our wedding day and a full-on reception, and neither of us is particularly keen on the idea of half-assing a reception. We're doing to whole shebang on our own and have to be mindful of our means. We also refuse to go into debt for this event, which would mean we'd be starting our married life out on the wrong foot all together.
So, we plan on having a small wedding in Canada and an intimate reception while there. I say small because I'm realistic. Asking our friends and family to come to Canada is a big financial commitment. Add to that that people will need to get passports. Now we know people will want to be there, but many of them simply will not be able to make that happen. And that's while that's not optimal, it's OK. Honestly, I'm more concerned with the above issues and we can always have a party in Chicago later or an anniversary party or something.
And here we are, ordering our Save The Date cards and contacting a thousand wedding planners and hotels… let the fun begin!
Looking back at my last wedding update (OMG, I haven't written about this since October??), we were considering the possibility of marrying in Chicago because of the introduction of a marriage equality bill here. However, little to no action has taken place on the bill, so I have to still put that in my "hopefully this will pass" dreams. All that said, we are set on going to Vancouver in Canada for our wedding.
Why Vancouver?
So why Vancouver? A few reasons:
1 - We want to make sure that wherever I get married, my union will be legally recognized. Marrying in Canada means the entire federal government of that country recognizes me and my husband as a married couple, and should we ever need to provide proof of that marriage, we have a legally sanctioned, federal document supporting our nuptials.
2 - We don't want to marry somewhere that may change their minds shortly after we marry. After the debacle in California, I'm not sure I trust any state to continue to support marriage equality. Politicians, and particularly the Democratic Party, are a shifty bunch and voters are even less reliable. We don't want to think about getting married somewhere then two months later some hillbilly down the street changing their minds and revoking our legally married status.
3 - We want to marry somewhere that people actually want us. We don't want to worry about finding a particular church that can possibly tolerate us (not that we would marry in a church, but still…) or a reception hall that would be oh so kind as to "deal" with us queers. No, we'd rather reward someplace that will welcome us and be happy to have us.
4 - That said, Vancouver is both gay friendly and very beautiful. Not to mention it won't be nearly as expensive as it normally would consider the city will still be trying to recover from the tourism slump that always follows being an Olympic Host City.
So What About The Reception?
Another thing we have decided on is the reception. Our initial idea was to host our wedding in Canada for just us, then have a reception in Chicago for our family and friends. While this is a great idea and a very sweet idea, it is frankly just too expensive.
We don't have an endless supply of money to put together both a trip to Canada for our wedding day and a full-on reception, and neither of us is particularly keen on the idea of half-assing a reception. We're doing to whole shebang on our own and have to be mindful of our means. We also refuse to go into debt for this event, which would mean we'd be starting our married life out on the wrong foot all together.
So, we plan on having a small wedding in Canada and an intimate reception while there. I say small because I'm realistic. Asking our friends and family to come to Canada is a big financial commitment. Add to that that people will need to get passports. Now we know people will want to be there, but many of them simply will not be able to make that happen. And that's while that's not optimal, it's OK. Honestly, I'm more concerned with the above issues and we can always have a party in Chicago later or an anniversary party or something.
And here we are, ordering our Save The Date cards and contacting a thousand wedding planners and hotels… let the fun begin!
Monday, October 5, 2009
Maybe We Could Marry In Illinois
Recently, we have been considering going to Canada to get married. That's mainly because we don't have any personal vestment or interest in any of the states here in the U.S. that currently recognize marriages between same-sex couples, and because a weekend trip to Canada could be really fun! Besides, after the debacle that is Proposition 8 in California, I'm leery of marrying in any of the states until our federal government gets behind it because we've now seen that all it takes is a few hillbillies with a drive to steal someone's rights away.
Something happened last week though that might change my position. Illinois Senate just introduced a marriage equality bill. Illinois house already has one working it's way through the system, so the Senate starting on one is a good sign. If these go through, Illinois could be the next state to officially recognize civil marriages for all couples. And it just so happens we live in Illinois.
This gives me hope, because I'd love to actually benefit from marriage like the hetero couples we know do. However, the same thing could happen here as did in California, thereby leaving us in limbo. To be fair, the main reason I'm not as concerned about where we get married right now is because it doesn't matter in the eyes of the law: we may be married in Canada, but not in Illinois. In our hearts and minds we'll be married regardless of that, but when it comes to me going to a hospital or demanding benefits for my husband when/if we decide to adopt and one of us chooses to stay home… those things are important. Those things could make me actually consider where we want to get married beyond just how nice it sounds to be married there.
Of course, this is all theoretical right now. Neither bills have passed, and if they do they will need to be reconciled then signed into law by our Governor. Then the inevitable law suits will be filed by wingnut freaks which may or may not delay the law's implementation. All this is not even to mention that we thought they were going to pass this bill last term as part of some funding bill, which they failed to do. What I'm trying to say is that this bill being introduced is a step forward, but not enough of one to give me hope just yet.
Something happened last week though that might change my position. Illinois Senate just introduced a marriage equality bill. Illinois house already has one working it's way through the system, so the Senate starting on one is a good sign. If these go through, Illinois could be the next state to officially recognize civil marriages for all couples. And it just so happens we live in Illinois.
This gives me hope, because I'd love to actually benefit from marriage like the hetero couples we know do. However, the same thing could happen here as did in California, thereby leaving us in limbo. To be fair, the main reason I'm not as concerned about where we get married right now is because it doesn't matter in the eyes of the law: we may be married in Canada, but not in Illinois. In our hearts and minds we'll be married regardless of that, but when it comes to me going to a hospital or demanding benefits for my husband when/if we decide to adopt and one of us chooses to stay home… those things are important. Those things could make me actually consider where we want to get married beyond just how nice it sounds to be married there.
Of course, this is all theoretical right now. Neither bills have passed, and if they do they will need to be reconciled then signed into law by our Governor. Then the inevitable law suits will be filed by wingnut freaks which may or may not delay the law's implementation. All this is not even to mention that we thought they were going to pass this bill last term as part of some funding bill, which they failed to do. What I'm trying to say is that this bill being introduced is a step forward, but not enough of one to give me hope just yet.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
And Then A Thing Occured To Me...
I hate getting near the end of the week. Well, I like it in terms that the weekend is coming up, but I hate that it seems everyone puts off their work until now, which given my function at work means more work for me. But I suppose that's how things go.
We've been thinking more and more about the date of the wedding and the "reception" party. I mentioned previously that we were considering June 26 to be the date for the party and at that time I talked about some of my concerns. In light of that, a few people mentioned that we possibly put the party off until later in the year, say early Fall. Even though I really like the June 26 date, I'm thinking the wisdom of holding the party later in the year might win out.
There are a few reasons for this, some of them I've mentioned before. June is the beginning of convention season here in Chicago, as well as festival season. For a good three months straight there is always something going on in the city, and most likely downtime. That also means that hotel prices will be high, and that catering companies will be booked, and rooms will be expensive. Now I'm not looking to be cheap, but I'm also not looking to put my friends and family out to come celebrate with us.
We could move the date up, but then we run into a concern of will it still be cold (this is Chicago Weather, the city that thinks it's reasonable to snow in April…) and whether or not we have the time/money to pull it off. So if we can't move it up, and we don't like the date we originally thought of, then all that's left is to move it further out. Want to know the added benefit to doing this would be? Not having the party on June 26 leaves that day wide open for us to do something else, like… possibly flying to Canada for a weekend retreat and exchanging vows. ;)
So that's where we are right now. We had to slow down the planning a bit because the fiancé's car needed some repairs and I've been distracted by a new game, but we'll get this planning back on track soon enough!
We've been thinking more and more about the date of the wedding and the "reception" party. I mentioned previously that we were considering June 26 to be the date for the party and at that time I talked about some of my concerns. In light of that, a few people mentioned that we possibly put the party off until later in the year, say early Fall. Even though I really like the June 26 date, I'm thinking the wisdom of holding the party later in the year might win out.
There are a few reasons for this, some of them I've mentioned before. June is the beginning of convention season here in Chicago, as well as festival season. For a good three months straight there is always something going on in the city, and most likely downtime. That also means that hotel prices will be high, and that catering companies will be booked, and rooms will be expensive. Now I'm not looking to be cheap, but I'm also not looking to put my friends and family out to come celebrate with us.
We could move the date up, but then we run into a concern of will it still be cold (this is Chicago Weather, the city that thinks it's reasonable to snow in April…) and whether or not we have the time/money to pull it off. So if we can't move it up, and we don't like the date we originally thought of, then all that's left is to move it further out. Want to know the added benefit to doing this would be? Not having the party on June 26 leaves that day wide open for us to do something else, like… possibly flying to Canada for a weekend retreat and exchanging vows. ;)
So that's where we are right now. We had to slow down the planning a bit because the fiancé's car needed some repairs and I've been distracted by a new game, but we'll get this planning back on track soon enough!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Rounding Out The When
All this planning for the wedding and we haven't even scratched the surface. With the decision to have a private ceremony or whatnot away (but still not knowing where exactly) out of the way, we decided that we want to have a party here in town, something that essentially amounts to a reception. We want to do that here in Chicago because this city is very important to us and because all our friends and family can easily get here.
But that then leaves us with the question of when to have said party. Our current thought line is to have it on June 26, 2010. June 26 is our anniversary, so the date holds meaning for us, and it will be a Saturday, which makes it even more appealing. A Saturday in June in Chicago… sounds nice.
The potential problems: Pride typically falls that weekend. And checking the planned events for the city this year that is the weekend that Taste of Chicago opens downtown. Both of these things have upsides and major downsides. On the upside, there could be plenty for our friends and family to do while in town. If they make a weekend out of it, they could stop by the Taste and sample some of the local faire or they swing up to the Pride festival for some gay flavor. We could also spend the Sunday after with everyone at the Pride Parade, which would be a blast! However, both Taste and Pride draw pretty big tourist crowds, which could cause some congestion downtown (which would be crazy for those not familiar with Chicago) and would also mean higher priced hotel rooms.
I really, really like the idea of having our party on the 26th, and I think it's important for us to pick a solid date sooner rather than later so that we can get into the nittier parts of planning, but with all these potential other things to consider, I think we need just a little more time to mull it over.
But that then leaves us with the question of when to have said party. Our current thought line is to have it on June 26, 2010. June 26 is our anniversary, so the date holds meaning for us, and it will be a Saturday, which makes it even more appealing. A Saturday in June in Chicago… sounds nice.
The potential problems: Pride typically falls that weekend. And checking the planned events for the city this year that is the weekend that Taste of Chicago opens downtown. Both of these things have upsides and major downsides. On the upside, there could be plenty for our friends and family to do while in town. If they make a weekend out of it, they could stop by the Taste and sample some of the local faire or they swing up to the Pride festival for some gay flavor. We could also spend the Sunday after with everyone at the Pride Parade, which would be a blast! However, both Taste and Pride draw pretty big tourist crowds, which could cause some congestion downtown (which would be crazy for those not familiar with Chicago) and would also mean higher priced hotel rooms.
I really, really like the idea of having our party on the 26th, and I think it's important for us to pick a solid date sooner rather than later so that we can get into the nittier parts of planning, but with all these potential other things to consider, I think we need just a little more time to mull it over.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
The When's And The Where's
Scenario: The boyfriend and I are talking to someone and mention that we're now engaged.
Honestly, I didn't have a clue about when we'd get married when I proposed to my boo, nor did I know where or what kind of suit I'd wear or anything. All I knew was I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and I couldn't waste another day with him not knowing that. That's why I proposed to him. I want to spend our lives together. The when, the where, the ritual, all that's menial compared to him saying yes to me.
Friend: "Oh, wow! That's great! So, when's the big day?"I don't know what it is about announcing you're engaged, but I suppose people just assume that if you are betrothed then you must inherently know exactly the day, time and place where you will speak your nuptials. It's as if knowing all the details should have been a prerequisite to even buying the ring!
Us: "Um… well, we're not sure yet. I mean, we just got engaged a few days ago, and we haven't really made that decision yet…"
Friend: *confused look* "Yeah, ok, but like, when's the wedding?"
Us: "Yeah, that's what we're saying. We're just not sure yet, but we're thinking next summer,"
Friend: *speaking as if talking to someone who's favorite dog just died* "Oooh. Well, you'll figure it out soon. Don't you worry"
Us: "Um, thanks? We're not really worried, but um… yeah, we gotta go."
Me: "Yes, I need to look at your men's wedding bands that might also look like engagement rings please"
Clerk: "OK, sure! Those are all right over here. Let me assure you, we only carry the highest quality pieces here."
Me: "Thanks, I kind of chose you all for a reason."
Clerk: "Perfect! Soooo, have you picked out the church yet?"
Me: "I'm sorry, the wha...? I, uh, haven't even picked the ring yet, so if I could just see that one…"
Clerk: "Ah." *Slams counter shut* "We don't serve your kind here. Unless you know every detail about your wedding day, down to the flower arrangement, you can't shop here."
Me: "But I really liked that platinum ring there, can I just…"
Clerk: "I'm sorry, sir, you'll have to leave. I hear that K-Mart down the street carries some items that might interest someone like you."
Honestly, I didn't have a clue about when we'd get married when I proposed to my boo, nor did I know where or what kind of suit I'd wear or anything. All I knew was I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and I couldn't waste another day with him not knowing that. That's why I proposed to him. I want to spend our lives together. The when, the where, the ritual, all that's menial compared to him saying yes to me.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Celebrate And Educate
This weekend, I had the honor of attending a very good friend's wedding. My boyfriend and I were invited and accepted the invitation and were excited to go for many reasons, including that the ceremony was held at the Krohn Conservatory in Cincinnati. The Conservatory is a big plant life repository, packed full of rare flowers and trees, complete with a room full of Bonsai Trees! To say that the Conservatory was an excellent venue for the wedding is just an understatement.What I want to say is that it's a totally different thing to attend a wedding as a single person versus a person in a relationship, at least for me it was. Previous weddings I've attended were nice and all, but most of them didn't spark much in me. But this wedding, as with another one we attended a few months back, meant something more to me. It dawned on me that weddings aren't just to celebrate the happy couple, but they help all couples celebrate the idea of love, and there's something magical about that.
Ok, sure, that's a bit sappy. But this is where this spins a bit: Knowing and understanding that aspect of the wedding ceremony provides me with a deeper understanding of why Social Conservatives and Anti-Gay Pricks want to deny us our right to legal marriage. They believe that if we aren't legally allowed to wed in the eyes of the state, we won't celebrate our love. If we don't celebrate our love, we'll continue to be ashamed of it. And if we're ashamed of it, we'll go away.
That's why this fight for Marriage Equality is so important. Our love is real and deserves to be celebrated just as much as any one else's. It seems trivial, but psychologically if we are told that are relationships aren't "legal," then we are more likely to not celebrate them and embrace them. It's a twisted little game.
The oddest thing I learned from the wedding though is that there are some people that are still unaware of the LGBT community's struggle for Marriage Equality. A friend of mine was completely in the dark when it came to what DOMA is and what it means. He also was unaware that Marriage between same-sex couples was only allowed in a handful of states across the county. I didn't know how to react to learning this because to me, this issue seems to be the forefront issue right now. But so many people and potential supporters are still completely in the dark about our struggle.
We have to keep educating people. No matter how close your friends are, please take the time to make sure they are up on the issue of Marriage Equality. Many of these people that are clueless are our supporters, they just need to know that there is an issue that we need their help with.
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