Rounding Out The When

All this planning for the wedding and we haven't even scratched the surface. With the decision to have a private ceremony or whatnot away (but still not knowing where exactly) out of the way, we decided that we want to have a party here in town, something that essentially amounts to a reception. We want to do that here in Chicago because this city is very important to us and because all our friends and family can easily get here.

But that then leaves us with the question of when to have said party. Our current thought line is to have it on June 26, 2010. June 26 is our anniversary, so the date holds meaning for us, and it will be a Saturday, which makes it even more appealing. A Saturday in June in Chicago… sounds nice.

The potential problems: Pride typically falls that weekend. And checking the planned events for the city this year that is the weekend that Taste of Chicago opens downtown. Both of these things have upsides and major downsides. On the upside, there could be plenty for our friends and family to do while in town. If they make a weekend out of it, they could stop by the Taste and sample some of the local faire or they swing up to the Pride festival for some gay flavor. We could also spend the Sunday after with everyone at the Pride Parade, which would be a blast! However, both Taste and Pride draw pretty big tourist crowds, which could cause some congestion downtown (which would be crazy for those not familiar with Chicago) and would also mean higher priced hotel rooms.

I really, really like the idea of having our party on the 26th, and I think it's important for us to pick a solid date sooner rather than later so that we can get into the nittier parts of planning, but with all these potential other things to consider, I think we need just a little more time to mull it over.

Getting Close To The Where

Since the engagement, the fiancé and I have been spending a fair amount of time deciding what we want to do with regard to the wedding. As anyone that has planned a wedding can attest to, there are plenty of decisions to make, and I feel like we've just started to scratch the surface of the decisions we have to make.

One of the decisions we're still hacking out is what to do about the ceremony. Every couple has to deal with a plethora of questions when it comes to wedding ceremonies, but when it comes to a queer couple, a few more pop to mind. We need to decide what kind of ceremony we want to have, where we want to have it, if we'd like to do it somewhere where our union would be legally recognized…. Add those to the normal questions a couple might need to answer and it quickly becomes a lot more that needs to be decided than originally expected.

Out of those, we have made a couple decisions. We want to have the ceremony somewhere where it is legally recognized. That means we'll have to go to Iowa or Massachusetts or possibly Canada. We like the idea of supporting places that support us, and I like knowing that we have legal protections somewhere, even if no in our home state. Does make me wonder though if we get married in Canada would that marriage be recognized in another country that recognizes same sex marriage?

I think we're also leaning toward a private ceremony with a public party. To me, our vows are ours and ours alone. I only want to share those with one person. Because of this, one of our current ideas (which is also the front runner) is for us to travel somewhere to get married privately, then host a public reception back in Chicago. Also, I'm not keen on destination weddings because of the cost to everyone else, so that's part of the thinking here as well.

We've certainly got much more planning to do, but I think we've at least laid some ground work for how to proceed.

The When's And The Where's

Scenario: The boyfriend and I are talking to someone and mention that we're now engaged.

Friend: "Oh, wow! That's great! So, when's the big day?"
Us: "Um… well, we're not sure yet. I mean, we just got engaged a few days ago, and we haven't really made that decision yet…"
Friend: *confused look* "Yeah, ok, but like, when's the wedding?"
Us: "Yeah, that's what we're saying. We're just not sure yet, but we're thinking next summer,"
Friend: *speaking as if talking to someone who's favorite dog just died* "Oooh. Well, you'll figure it out soon. Don't you worry"
Us: "Um, thanks? We're not really worried, but um… yeah, we gotta go."

I don't know what it is about announcing you're engaged, but I suppose people just assume that if you are betrothed then you must inherently know exactly the day, time and place where you will speak your nuptials. It's as if knowing all the details should have been a prerequisite to even buying the ring!

Me: "Yes, I need to look at your men's wedding bands that might also look like engagement rings please"
Clerk: "OK, sure! Those are all right over here. Let me assure you, we only carry the highest quality pieces here."
Me: "Thanks, I kind of chose you all for a reason."
Clerk: "Perfect! Soooo, have you picked out the church yet?"
Me: "I'm sorry, the wha...? I, uh, haven't even picked the ring yet, so if I could just see that one…"
Clerk: "Ah." *Slams counter shut* "We don't serve your kind here. Unless you know every detail about your wedding day, down to the flower arrangement, you can't shop here."
Me: "But I really liked that platinum ring there, can I just…"
Clerk: "I'm sorry, sir, you'll have to leave. I hear that K-Mart down the street carries some items that might interest someone like you."

Honestly, I didn't have a clue about when we'd get married when I proposed to my boo, nor did I know where or what kind of suit I'd wear or anything. All I knew was I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and I couldn't waste another day with him not knowing that. That's why I proposed to him. I want to spend our lives together. The when, the where, the ritual, all that's menial compared to him saying yes to me.

Pssst - I've Got A Not-So-Secret!

I realized today that I have not yet posted here about the most important thing to that happened on our vacation: they boyfriend and I are engaged!

That's right, my loveable EVR (there's some link love, love ;) Make sure and visit his blog and encourage him on, he needs some nudging to post more often) and I will be getting married. Of course, Illinois failed to act upon it's Civil Unions bill last session, but that doesn't mean it won't have enacted something come time for us to officially tie the knot. While the legal rights and protections will be very nice, we're really excited to be able to declare our love and intention to spend our lives together.

So how did it all go down? Our last night at the resort, I asked him if he'd like to take a stroll on the beach at night. Well, I more or less told him that we were going for a walk, but that's just a tiny detail ;) After dinner, we made our way down to the white sand and started wandering to the sound of the soft waves. There was only one large flood light keeping the beach lit, which just so happened to shut off as we came to a stop on the beach, which provided us an excellent chance to gaze up at the stars and see the skies like we never can anywhere near Chicago. Just then, I came up behind my bear and asked if he could see himself spending his life with me, to which he said yes. Then I pulled out the ring and asked if he would spend his life with me.

He turned around and smiled and say emphatically yes. And for the first time in our relationship, he was speechless ;)

No, we haven't locked things down on dates, etc., yet, but we are think that our regular anniversary would be a nice date, and it would be a nice Summer day. Having something here in Chicago is pretty well established as well. As for what, we're still working on it. Given that our state provides no legal protections for our relationship, and given that neither of us are religious folk, a semi-traditional wedding doesn't seem to be right for us. We are considering legally consummating our marriage in one of the states that does afford legal rights, but that would be something for just the two of us. However, we definitely do want a celebration here in our home city. But there's still time to figure that all out.

He'll be getting me an engagement ring as well. I considered getting one for myself when I got his, but I picked a ring for him that I thought was very "me" for him to wear, and I'd like him to pick a ring that's very "him" for me to wear. I can't wait.

In short, I'm one happy homo!