Customer Reviews Hyperbole

If in your review of an establishment you state that you have been to the restaurant/bar/whatever a multitude of times and have enjoyed the experience every time except the most recent experience, then proceed to rate that establishment as a 2 star out of 5, and then say you will never go back, I will not take your review seriously.

How exactly is it that you enjoyed the food/service/atmosphere several times before, so much so that you returned there many times, yet one bad experience is enough to ruin it all for you? I'm looking at you, TripAdvisor reviewers.

I believe what you really mean to say is "I want to sound as if I'm an authority on this topic, so I'll make up an arbitrary story about how I've been there many times, then I'll discredit the place because they did not immediately bend to my will as I walked in." At least, that's how I read the review.

Album Of The Week: Buckcherry's All Night Long

Sadly, this week it's my duty to bring you another Album of the Week that just isn't all that great. Why, one might ask, would I bother bringing this to your attention? To which I would answer for the same reason I brought Ed Kowalksihfjnuual's solo album to your attention: because it's so disappointing it makes me sad.

Buckcherry is one of those "love them or hate them" rock bands. They have a bit of Aerosmith flair and a definite penchant for party rock and frat house lyrics. Perfect for singing along with at the bar after you fourth or fifth beer. Or tenth. You know, whichever. If you have no idea who they are, you might remember their hit circa 2000 Lit Up (I've included that in the player on the page as well in case you need a reminder). It's that very same core rock and roll sound that kept me coming back and enjoying their subsequent albums, even though they did not get nearly as much attention. I suppose that is what happens when you take several years off after your first album to rebuild the band, but that's just my idea.

Their newest album, All Night Long, just misses the mark in a lot of places. Sure, it's the same formula as the others: take two pieces of "radio friendly, slightly shocking song," one-two pieces of borderline ballad, and six-eight pieces of fun, upbeat rock and you have an album! But the heart and soul is missing from All Night Long. Mediocre production and slightly tired songwriting really hamper this album, which is really sad because this is just one of those bands that has to actively try to make a boring record.

All that said, it is not utter crap like Alive was. It's still very listenable, although I'm not sure why you'd chose to listen this All Night Long over 15 or Black Butterfly (which I think is a very overlooked album). All Night Long, It's A Party and Oh My Lord are still good tracks though, and it might be worth it to just grab those on their own.

It did worry me a bit when I saw All Night Long announced and realized that it was releasing just about a year after Black Butterfly. Turns out my concern was warranted. Personally, I'm thinking this is just another bump in the road for Buckcherry and they'll recover in a year or two with another actually good album. In the meantime, catch them live if you can and pester them to play some Crazy Bitch.

Buckcherry queer link: apparently the band got their name from a local drag queen named Buck Cherry after they found out their original name, Sparrow, was already copyrighted.

Album Of The Week: Spoon's Transference

It's not like Spoon is a new band or a band that has been completely unknown until recently, but for some reason they slid under my radar. It wasn't until their most recent album Transference was released and a coinciding article in Rolling Stone was penned that I even took notice of the alternative group. After I read the article, I decided to give the samples a try and found the album on sale so I grabbed it and I'm willing to admit that this record was a pleasant surprise, offering some typically alternative sound with some very catchy hooks and clever songwriting.

Transference pulled me in from the very first listen. I was expecting… well, I'm not sure what I was expecting. I was thinking I'd get some interesting songs that could pass the time while at work, but instead I got an engrossing album that found a way to sneak into my head throughout the entire day. I'll find myself singing little snippets of the songs and getting weird looks from people, which turn to even weirder looks when I try to explain what I'm singing.

Spoon isn't really obscure. Metacritic named them the best band of the decade based on their consistently high critical rankings for their albums, and they've been somewhat of an indie darling for the past 12 years or so. But, of course, I'm just finding them. Because I'm hip like that. In any case, Transference has really given me the desire to track down their other offerings and I haven't been disappointed with any of them yet.

As always, there are a few particular songs to pay attention to: Is Love Forever, The Mystery Zone, Trouble Comes Running, and Out Go the Lights. If you had to skip a few tracks (I wouldn't recommend it, but if for some reason you just couldn't listen to it all) I'd pass on: Goodnight Laura, Got Nuffin, and Who Makes Your Money. Give it a listen and let me know what you think.

Fame: Pretty Please Don't Live Forever

My fiancé picked on me for this last night because he just knows me way to well, and I tried to resist the urge to do this, but in the end the blogger in me won out, so here you are.

Last night, a quaint little gaggle of gays made our way down to the River East AMC downtown to watch the newest in the long tradition of movies that somehow manages to appeal to gay men without actually advertising to us: Fame. Fame is a remake of an 80's movie, which should have been enough to make us weary of the flick, but it featured dancers, singers, artists and disenfranchised high school kids that have found a magical home. And that is just about all we gays need to be drawn to a flick.

I don't think I need to make this very long. The movie was bad. It wasn't the most god-awful thing I've seen, but it found a way to crawl up my list of movies to watch when I need to self-induce a coma. There is no plot. Whatsoever. None. There are simply characters, and only a couple of them with real depth, and even fewer of them played with any sense of credibility, which is oddly ironic in a movie mostly about young people struggling to be actors.

The stories being told throughout the film are mostly disjointed, and it seems more like a mistake than a planned effort if any one of the stories interacts with another or if a story arched for more than 20 minutes. The movie is presented in four parts, one for each year of high school, and one would naturally expect to see some development of the characters and their talents over those four years. Instead, we're shown perfect or almost perfect performers as freshmen who do not develop their skills one iota nor do they develop their personalities.

Even the "emotional" moments were laughable. One student attempts to commit suicide (it wouldn't be a high school movie without someone trying to off themselves apparently…) which comes across as a terrible attempt at a cheap laugh more than an emotionally stringing moment. Oh, and apparently mothers in Iowa are perfectly fine with putting their gay as the day is long young 14-year-old sons up in a studio apartment in New York all by their lonesome just so they can study at a performing arts school… cause that makes sense. There are no other performing arts schools anywhere near Iowa...

Anyway, do yourself a favor and just don't see it. Seriously, don't bother. Unless you want to see Karen Walker not be Karen Walker. Or watch performances that are so overtly doctored up in a studio a Brittany Spears concert with Ashley Simpson opening would sound more realistic. If any of those sound good to you, please go see Fame. Otherwise, spare yourself.

Review: Muse - The Resistance

I have a Tuesday morning ritual. Well, really I have a ritual for every morning, but Tuesday's are really special for me because new music comes out Tuesday mornings. Some weeks there is just utter crap being released, and others there are interesting little gems. I'm also a bit ridiculous because I try not to look and see when my favorites artists are releasing new albums. I like to be surprise on Tuesday morning with 10 or 15 new tracks and the brooding face of whatever rock star it is that week. It's like Christmas in iTunes!

This week I was surprised to see The Resistance, a new release from Muse, the British progressive rock trio that's been steadily rising in popularity here in the states. I originally found Muse at the same time that I found Travis: I was on a tour of England/Scotland/Wales with my college chamber choir. One day when we were in Bathe, I popped into what looked like an indie record store (could've been a chain store for all I know) and asked the clerk her opinion for the two best rocks bands at that moment. She smiled, turned around and grabbed a copy of Travis' The Man Who and Muse's Showbiz. When I was finally able to listen to both cd's I was in love and subsequently ready to move to London so I could stalk both bands simultaneously.

Since then I've been following both bands, and while Travis has popped out a series of consistent albums, Muse has been a bit shakier on their releases with some being spot on rock releases (Showbiz, Absolution) and others being just off (Origins of Symmetry). In my opinion, the new offering, The Resistance, falls into the "off" category, which is just a bit disappointing after Black Holes and Revelations.

Resistance and Undisclosed Desires stand out as good tracks, and the remainder of the tracks are just ok. Truthfully, there's nothing terrible on this album, just very little of anything stellar. For example, the opening track Uprising is completely standard Muse. Soaring vocals, swelling chord progressions, everything we've heard from them before. Oh, and they've decided to fancy themselves as composers now. The boys have tacked on a three-part symphony to the end of The Resistance called Exogenesis, which could have easily been left off and no one would have missed it.

The thing with progressive and ambient rock is that as an artist you have to try really, really hard to not come off as pretentious snobs. The majority of your music already speaks mostly to a niche market, but if you're lucky and/or talented (and Muse is both), you'll be able to pump out a few mainstream-ish tracks per album so that you can sell records and concert seats. But that doesn't save you from the pretentious fate, and neither do "artistic" efforts like rock symphonies. Don't get me wrong here, rock symphonies can be great when done correctly. Just ask the Moody Blues, or hell even Metallica managed to pull off a set with a symphony backdrop, but a crappy symphony is a crappy symphony… but then add to that the trappings of rock and self-involved rockers, and you have probably created an evil cacophony monster.

Overall, The Resistance is a solid offering, just not a up to the standards we know Muse is capable of. The album isn't very cohesive and the "symphony" at the end throws a whole bunch of random into this mix of tracks. This may even be one instance in which I'd condone by single tracks as compared to the full album… maybe.

My U2 360 Tour Review: Bigger Can Be Better

I did not think it was possible. In fact, I thought it was downright unimaginable. How it happened, I'm not sure, but I somehow managed to thoroughly enjoy last night's U2 concert!

You see, I'm not what you would call a U2 fan. I'm not really a hater either, I'm pretty much indifferent to them. I've liked most of their radio hits (which, as I was reminded last night, are plentiful) but I've never owned one of their albums. And frankly, I've always thought Bono was fully 12 Curics (South Park reference… if you're not a fan, shame on you!). So to me, the idea of paying what we paid for tickets to their kick-off show of their North American tour just did not seem like a great idea. But the fiancé is a huge fan, and well… the things we do for love!

Actually, I had heard from more than my fanboy manfriend that U2 puts on one hell of a show, so I was pretty psyched for the show. Sure, I wouldn't have a clue what some of their songs were, but I'd be able to jam along with everyone else to their hits, so it couldn't be all bad. Besides, nearly 60,000 people jumping and screaming and grinding has scientifically been proven to equal good times, so I was truly looking forward to the show (don't tell my boyfriend though, he might think I wasn't suffering through the show just for him).

First things first. The stage was obese. That's just about the only way to put it. It was a gynormous mass of metal and lights and completely random fog machines. Some have take to calling it "the claw," but this stage seems to be like gazing at clouds: everyone sees something completely different when looking at it. U2 themselves thought it looked like a spaceship, which is either a testament to the power of drugs or a showing of the "if you only believe it hard enough, it'll be true" dreamers mentality. You're guess is as good as mine there. Personally, I thought it looked like a 4-legged spider. It had just about everything a rocker could want with moving screens, a theater-in-the-round feel (which allowed them to sell even more tickets) and enough lighting to make Weta studios jealous. Oh, and it cost $40 million. Per stage. There's at least 2 of them, possibly three, travelling around the world right now.

The stage was pretty much a success though, even given it's gargantuan size. Everyone in the stadium had a good seat. The band spent their time running around the whole deal, making use of the outer rim as well as giving the drummer a rotating platform that would shift directions every few songs. The screens rose and fell, lights flashed and blinded the audience, and even giant disco balls made an appearance. Oh, and Bono decided to ruin the brief moment of looking cute again by busting on stage with a jacket covered in laser pointer lights… during their second encore. He's not pompous at all, I pinky swear it.

I'm giving the stage shit, but it was really cool. Over the top, for sure, but what's $120 million worth of stages when you're U2?

As for the really important part (to me anyway), the music was spot on. I didn't know about half of the songs they played, and learned today that most of those were tracks from their newish album, but they were still pretty interesting to hear live. In between those tracks those, the boys pumped the audience back up with some of their big hits. One, In the Name Of Love and Elevation are just a few that pop to mind right now, but I know they played plenty more because I didn't walk away missing any particular song.

And honestly, the fact that half of their nearly 2.5 hours of show time was familiar to me as someone who has never owned a U2 cd in his life speaks wonders of the band. They are talented. They are creative. They truly are entertainers. Some of my more "rock"-ier friends will (and do) piss on U2 for being too pop, and maybe they are a bit pop, but I've never seen a pop star put on the kind of show these guys did last night. It was solid, it was energetic, and it kept my attention the whole time.

One of the reasons many people think U2 to be a bit on the douchier side of things is because of the sometimes polar opposite actions versus words dichotomy of the band. On one hand, they spend lots of time speaking of social justice, and righting societal ills and politics and fighting world hunger, and on the other hand they send $120 million on stages alone. Yeah, I see these people's point. But I'm not sure I buy into that line of thought. Yeah, U2 takes pleasure in their earnings. We all do. But they also use the position they've carved for themselves in this world to try and make things better wherever they can, and they do it fearlessly. In front of 60,000 people, they talked about our need to fight AIDS in Africa and raised awareness of the Burmese political plight. That takes some balls. And it takes a lot of talent to pull that off and still bring in full stadiums night after night. And I respect that.

If you asked me yesterday if I'd ever admit to liking a U2 show, I'd probably have made some snide, hipster-esque comment and went about my business. But after last night, I have to say that these guys know how to put on a show. An obese show, for sure, but if U2 can't pull off a huge budget tour, who the hell can? If you want pro recommendations, the Chicago Sun-Times hated it and the Chicago Tribune liked it. My recommendation: Go see it if you can. Don't miss this show!

Swish: A Mini Review

We are still processing all of our pictures from our vacation in Mexico, picking the best pics and getting our water camera films developed, so while I want to share all sorts of cool and interesting information with everyone, I am going to have to wait for the time being. However, even without our fantastic pictures I can still give you a run down of something I did on vacation: I read Joel Derfner's Swish.

Swish: My Quest To Become The Gayest Person Ever And What Ended Up Happening Instead is a series of personal essays by Joel Derfner exploring some of the more stereotyped aspects of gay life. In other words, he set out to do some things that were so obviously gay so that he could discover what it meant to be gay in the process; things like Go-Go Dancing, going to Gay Summer Camp, becoming an Aerobics Instructor, attending an Exodus (international "ex-gay" organization) summit, and Knitting. Derfner jumps into all of these activities head first to experience them and comes out of each with an interesting story to tell.

Considering that I love essay style books, and that I love over-the-top gayness in my books as well, I was a bit surprised at what I found in Swish. Parts of this self-revealing tale is hilarious, other parts are sweet and endearing, and still others managed to find a way to alienate this reader. In general, I enjoyed the first couple chapters, pulled through with some encouragement, then landed on the last chapter just in time for me to not hate the book for deceiving me.

Initially, I sympathized with Derfner's description of himself: Neurotic, self-defacing, stuck on mishaps he made in the past. I think we're all a little like Derfner at times, remembering the time we made that completely inappropriate comment and feeling shame over it even years later or doubting ourselves so much we're frozen in action. When you get to the middle chapters though, particularly when he talks about his musical theater experience, you see a different side of Derfner's character: his elitism and contempt for those he sees as less than. If I had to suffer through one more mention of how he went to Harvard and that made him that much better than everyone else around him, I think I would have thrown the book out the train door. Thankfully, he redeems himself when he goes to the Exodus conference (oddly enough) and we see him learn an interesting lesson in humility and humanity.

Derfner's Swish is a very well written narrative. He'll point out to you multiple times throughout the book just how good of a writer he is and that anyone that misspells or uses incorrect grammar is worthy of criticism, which irked me. Truthfully, I agree with the notion that grammar is important. However, it is not the cornerstone of a person's worth. It's possible I hold this belief because I know if he ever read this blog or even this post, he would immediately shriek with distaste regarding my particular usage of the English language. However, knowing that much about his personality from a short 250-page collection does say a lot about how well he is able to convey himself and his message and his ability to craft a perfect sentence, paragraph and story.

That said, I enjoyed Swish overall. Although the middle section of the book dragged a bit much for me, it's possible it did so because I was expecting witty phrases and fun stories throughout but was instead met with hard tales of life. As a sum, I would recommend the book. It's mostly light reading which also finds a way to provide some depth in the process. Was it a great choice for a beach read? Possibly not. That's more Michael Thomas Ford's arena. But Swish certainly was a good read.