To Wed Or Not To Wed

Good As You has a good article up today about the marriage equality in this country and how there are two growing camps within the LGBT community on how to best be civil advocates for marriage rights. Essentially, there is the camp that believes that LGBT couples should take advantage of marriage rights (or something not quite equal and definitely separate) where they can, and the camp that believes LGBT folk should abstain from marriage all together until we can receive full and Federal equal rights.

The marriage activists state that getting married when and where we can allows us as a community to show the world how important marriage is to us and that me marrying my boyfriend is not going to ruin the world. We should take advantage of the rights we are afforded when we are afforded them, and take California's Proposition 8 debacle as a sign of things to come: rights fought for may not always be there. Furthermore, when we do get married, like the couples in California that were able to prior to the hateful bile that is Prop 8, our marriages cause massive legal roadblocks and force people to question the legitimacy of statements like "those who are married can stay that way, but those who aren't already can't get married… and we have no idea what we'll do when it comes to divorce because we don't recognize same-sex couples as legally married… except sometimes."

The abstention group states that to show our opposition to the current state of affairs, and to force heterosexual people that may not even have truly considered the issue, we will not participate in the institution of marriage at all until we have full, Federal equality. We shouldn't marry where legal and we shouldn't participate in marriages. Don't go to your buddy's wedding or your sister's ceremony as a statement. Show the world what they are missing by not allowing us to partake in what should be our legal rights. If we can't get treated equally, than rewarding heterosexual couples for their special treatment doesn't help our cause.

While part of me wants to belong to the more radical thought process of abandoning marriage altogether, I just can't bring myself to that side of the debate. Don't get me wrong, I'm not necessarily against the concept, I just don't think it's the most useful argument for a couple reasons. First, this argument assumes that LGBT couples are actively participating in civil disobedience because they are refusing to marry. That in itself assumes that couples are in a place of the relationship where marriage is the next step. Second, chances are that if you are invited to a wedding, that person likely knows your sexual orientation and (hopefully, if they are your friend) are supportive of you. Punishing that person for not supporting equal rights when they likely do does not seem to be a good thing to do.

If someone is not support of you as an LGBT person, I say go all out on boycotting their wedding. I think it's quite a reasonable question when responding to a wedding invite if the happy-to-be couple supports marriage equality. If they respond in the affirmative, then feel free to join and bring your boyfriend/girlfriend with to the ceremony. However, if they respond negatively, politely letting them know that you can't stand for special treatment in this country is completely appropriate.

I also feel that the strongest statement we can make is to take advantage of our rights when and where we have them, assuming we are in a position to do so. Being able to demand that your work place offer your husband benefits or to introduce your wife as such without a hint or sarcasm is a very strong and powerful statement. It shows our desire as a community to have those rights and our willingness to assume those same responsibilities. It shows that this isn't a fight we are fighting just for shigiggles, but it's a war we are waging for ourselves.

If you don't believe that marriage is right for you and your partner, then I wouldn't presume to pressure you into marriage. I don't believe that we should rush out to marry frivolously. We should honor the concept, and cherish it as well. But I expect the same out of anyone getting married. The key here is that expect equal treatment; equal right to marry and equal responsibility to take that decision seriously. The same as any other couple. That's what we want, at the end of the day, isn't it? To be treated the same?

So while I respect those that had decided to abstain totally from the institution of marriage, I also respectfully disagree. I hope that I can join the ranks of the married some day. And I hope that I have the opportunity to think through the implications completely and to enjoy the benefits, just the same as every one else.

I'm Still Not Understanding Your Point Of View?

Try as I might every day, I simply don't understand. What is there to fight about? What is going on that can possibly be so important that these people have to interject their opinion?

Here's the reality: the Government of the United States of America has made an egregious over sight error by not affording persons of the same-sex equal marriage rights. In fact, that Government has contradicted it's own Equal Protections clause by excluding LGBT folk from the legal protections of the institution of marriage. Us LGBT's have called that over sight in to question and demanded that the laws of the land be brought in sync with each other. So again I ask, what can there possibly be to fight about here?

Some of the ass-crazy conservative groups want to throw out hyperbolic claims of the end of the world or whatever nonsense is popular to their mentally deficient leaders that day, but it doesn't make any sense. At all. In fact, this is a fight to expand current Civil protections, not shrink them. If anything, more protections can only mean good things for everyone.

The newest is this idea that marriage equality will somehow erode the "rights" of some Christian groups to openly hate gay people. Well, that's not true at all. The institution of marriage isn't about eroding rights, it's about offering protections. What will prevent certain extremists from calling for the continued harassment of young gay kids is Anti-Discrimination Law. The same laws that ironically protect these twisted twits I might add. Marriage Equality and Anti-Discrimination are two different things all together.

Now then, it is Discriminatory to deny us LGBT people the same rights as other, non-LGBT people. And it is discriminatory to accept public funding, some of which comes from LGBT folk, and deny the public the right to use your services or property. That's discrimination, and those sorts of things are prevented or punished because of Anti-Discrimination laws, not Marriage law.
So, one more time I ask: What in the world are we fighting about? If the Christian fundies want to start talking Anti-Discrimination Law, I'd be happy to go there with them. However, I am still baffled on a daily basis trying to understand why they are involved in the Marriage debate at all. I just don't understand, and to me that is the most frustrating part of this whole non-debate. Give me my fucking rights already!

Marriage Equality Prevails In... Wait, Iowa?

To sum it up, the Iowa Supreme Court announced today in an Unanimous Decision that marriage between same-sex couples must be allowed, as illegally discriminating against LGBT folk in this arena violates their state Constitutional rights to Equal Treatment and Protection. One more time, the Iowa Supreme Court (that's the heart of the Midwest, kittens) has said, without one dissenting voice, that LGBT persons must be given equal rights.

That's another one down!

As I write this, straight couples all across the state are falling apart and families are beginning to disintegrate into Oblivion. Men all across the state who have previously thought themselves heterosexual are suddenly realizing that they have no other option than to run to the nearest bathhouse and enjoy the pleasure of other men, leaving their former wives with only the comforting arms of other ex-wives… which obviously leads to lesbian trysts. Teachers in every school in the state have stopped talking about their given subjects to give graphic descriptions of how two men copulate, and children have lost their ability to understand right from wrong, slaying everything in their path and stopping only to talk to the newfound horde of vans parked in front of the schools packed full of villainous men with lollipops. Even worse, within minutes of the announcement, every church in the state was slammed with anti-defamation suits and forced to close their doors.

Oh wait… That isn't happening?

Hmmm… Well, I suppose those preachers/fuckheads that spent all their time and energy telling people that would happen were… wrong? No, that can't be! Religious figureheads can't possibly be wrong when it comes to social ills! What's next, a President that willfully lies to the public and commits heinous war crimes, all the while being let off the hook by his opposing party?! What kind of bularkey is that?!

New Jersey: Yeah, We Kinda Figured CU's Weren't The Same

Here's something odd: Yet another group has found that Civil Unions are not equal to Marriage. In fact, the segregation of the rights into categories, Marriage with full rights/protections and Civil Unions with much less than, has severe negative affects on gay and lesbian couples. Whoda thunk it?

"The final report of the New Jersey Civil Union Review Commission says it gathered 'overwhelming evidence' that the civil union law not only fails to provide the same protections as marriage, it also has created economic, medical and emotional hardships for gay couples. The commission concluded that denying same-sex couples the right to marry is as unjust as government imposing racial segregation laws against African-Americans.

So the Civil Union law in New Jersey was put into place to essentially give our community the same rights as hetero people, but it turns out that's just not the case. That's just sooo weird that if you tell someone that they aren't as cool as you, that person will start to feel bad about themselves. And wouldn't it be just as convenient for organizations to adopt rules that prohibit "union partners" versus "married couples?" Yeah, it would. It happens. IT'S NOT EQUAL!

The report is being sent to the New Jersey legislature for review, who also happens to be the same people that ordered the report. It is very likely that New Jersey will be the first state to enact EQUAL CIVIL MARRIAGES (that have nothing to do with a fucking church or someone else's' kids) legislatively rather than through court action. Well, California would have been that state if the Governator hadn't been a jack-ass an vetoed it twice in an effort to save his political career.

To sum it up: GIMME MAI = MARRIDGE NOAH!

Guess What? US Still Doesn't Think Gays Have Rights

If you weren't clear on the fact that religious fundamentalism holds our country back more than any other force, consider the UN Resolution that calls for the world-wide decriminalization of homosexuality. A French activist group has put together a resolution that will firmly enshrine in UN doctrine that all people, including sexual minorities, should have the legal right to, you know, not get murdered or jailed for who they are. It's not really that much to ask, all things considered.

The resolution, as with all things UN-related, is completely non-binding and doesn't really accomplish anything except a world-stage dance of tolerance. Still, it's a nice gesture. And considering it's merely calling for the world to finally say "I guess Gays can have the right to exist… and stuff…" and not even coming close to other basic human rights, you'd think that this was a non-issue, especially when it comes to the United States, bastion of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, where all men are created equal, where we are constantly fed BS as children that we later find out isn't true (well, sort of true, just not true for us). If you thought that, you'd be wrong.

Of the all the countries supporting the resolution, including the ENTIRE European Union, the US is not one of them. The US has chosen to not support the resolution. Why? Because our current administration is over-run with politicians that are in bed with religious bigots. Because the Vatican is using the same, tired, patently false Bull Shit line of "slippery slope" arguments. Because we are not a progressive country that values human dignity and self-respect.

It is a sad and pathetic disgrace that this country does not sign on to this resolution. If we can commit to dethroning foreign leaders that pissed off our President's daddy, but we can't even commit to basic, BASIC human rights, what the hell kind of country do we have?

I refuse to accept that we, as a Nation, are still so bigoted that we are OK with other nation's decision to hunt and kill gay people. We are better than that. Just not our current Government. January 20 could not come sooner.

Shocker: People Hating On Gays Make Us Feel Bad!

A slew of new studies have been released showing that, in fact, anti-gay measures such as marriage equality bans have strong, negative impact on the lives of LGBT people. Who woulda thunk that?

In one study, the researchers analyzed people living in states that had just recently passed legislation enshrining second-class citizenship into their constitutions. According to the researcher:

“The results of this study demonstrate that living in a state that has just passed a marriage amendment is associated with higher levels of psychological stress for lesbian, gay and bisexual citizens,” Rostosky said.

“And this stress is not due to other pre-existing conditions or factors; it is a direct result of the negative images and messages associated with the ballot campaign and the passage of the amendment.”

Two more studies were more qualitative, gathering information on how people feel and react to the measures more than the strictly quantitative study above:

Participants reported feeling not just alienated from their communities, but fearful that they would lose their children, that they would become victims of anti-gay violence or that they would need to move to a more accepting community. Some of these anxieties were mitigated by social support.

For instance, one interviewee said he became “petrified …of being raped or roughed up or killed, you know, for doing nothing, basically. I worry about being picked out as a gay guy because my mannerisms are not entirely masculine.” Another said the marriage amendment supporters were using the Bible “like a brick on us. They are beating us with it.”

...

“Some participants identified so deeply with their family member’s experience that they felt equally attacked by these movements and policies,” the researchers wrote. “They considered themselves members of the LGBT community and experienced rejection by others for being a GLBT family member.”

Oddly enough, it appears that when you bash a minority group and tell them over and over again that they are not worthy of the same CIVIL RIGHTS that you have, you're going to inflict psychological harm on that community.

This is the same community that has a drastically higher teenage suicide rate related directly to pressures of the culture to not be gay (read: over tones of the predominantly anti-gay Christian culture). Now toss on to the fire that we are not going to be allowed to marry even when we finally find love in this world. Do you wonder now why we are angry and protesting in streets? Do you wonder now why we are fighting so hard for acceptance and equality? Do you wonder why I hate anyone or anything that espouses anti-gay bigotry under any guise or umbrella?

This is the reality that many people do not get. This is about more than just rights, its about survival. The Christian right continues to fight to impose their worldview on the rest of the country, and while I feel that they should have their right to believe in their particular brand of hocus-pocus magic, I profoundly disagree with their attempts to rule my life from the pulpit.

We cannot allow ourselves to be beaten even one more time. We are not subpar, we are not imperfect, we are not below anyone else. We are beautiful and wonderful. So don't let these measures get you down. Take that sadness and turn it into righteous anger and action. Fight back! Tell them we cannot accept refusal any longer!

Suck It, Haters!

Today was the big day.  Hundreds of thousands of people took to the streets all over the country to support marriage equality and LGBT rights.  I personally am simply struck with awe with the whole thing.

At our event in Chicago, there were easily 3,000-5,000 people, and I think that's a conservative estimation.  The rally at the federal building was moving and strong and amazing and only met with minimal resistance.  It was the marching that immediately followed that was nothing short of amazing.

At first, Police officers kept us limited to the sidewalks with barricades and mounted officers.  The plan was to march from the rally spot to Millennium Park to make our impact.  The whole way there, we were pushed off to the sidewalk and forced to obey traffic signals, which in my opinion was too symbolic of the gay rights movement to date: complacent, shoved to the side and dismissed.

However, things changed as soon as the police loosened up the leash, which I'm not sure they were planning on.   As a pack, we veered off down Adams and took over the street.  We, as a group, realized that we needed to make a larger statement and needed to been seen and heard, and the only way to do that was to get into the streets and demand attention!

We marched up past City Hall and through Dailey Plaza, then over to State Street (the second of the big shopping strips in downtown), then took to Wacker and over to Michigan Ave to protest on the streets of the Magnificent Mile in front of all the people there.  At one point, I jumped up onto on of the separators in between the traffic directions to get a view of the scene and did not see an end to the horde in either direction, and I swelled up with pride and tears! 

Probably the most poignant part of the whole march came when a straight couple who had literally just been married in the church on Michigan Ave. came out to join the crowd.  They rushed out to the street with the bridal party to take pictures and then took pictures with the mass of us and finally joined us for a block or two.  In itself, it was a symbolic show of support.

People began to break off and head their own way at the end of Michigan Ave. The Police had finally got ahead of the crowd and routed us off the busy streets.  By the time the train weaved around the block back to Michigan Ave., we had lost the steam to control the street and were forced back to the sidewalk, at which point I called it a day and headed home. 

I cannot express how amazing this whole event was.  It literally brought me to tears with the shear power of it all.  And I'm glad to hear that many, many other events went off across the country with similar effect.  Truly, I feel like we have, as one community and one voice, finally begun to push back today.  It's far from the end of the fight, but we have declared in no uncertain terms today that we will fight, and we will not lose or back down.

As an added treat, here is my favorite sign of the day.  In fact, my buddy here received TONS of compliments on it before he let me have it when he broke off and headed home. 

I know many of my friends went out and participated, and I thank you for it.  Did you go?  Tell me about it in the comments or email me your story, I'd love to hear it and share it!

When The Fight Goes Nasty

For anyone following it, the fight over Proposition 8 in California has become nasty and very bitter. And for good reason. For the first time in our country's history, voters are being asked if they would like to casually rip rights away from their neighbors. And people are actually supporting it!

What happened? How did we get to a point in this country where people would resort to violence over this issue when we have a war and a global economic crisis to solve? What could possibly be crossing the minds of these Scare Bears that they feel they need to spend millions upon millions of dollars to completely outlaw a right that us gays have fought so hard to win?

This campaign over Proposition 8 is so much more than just gay rights. This is the last hoorah of the Scare Bears and their campaign of fear and lies that the current administration has allowed to run rampant these past 8 years. If successful, this will bolster them and they will not stop until nationalized religion is enforced. If unsuccessful, the country might finally start to wake up from this nightmare and see these virulent hate-spewers for who they are.

Sure, I could be overreacting to their goals. I mean, they wouldn't even dream of installing a national religion, would they? Hell, that would mean that a constitutional amendment would have to be passed that stripped an entire segment of the country of their rights, and that would just be stupid! I mean, who would ever support such a thing, right? It's laughable! Oh, wait….

This fight over Proposition 8 has become so ridiculous because no one should ever have the right to strip someone else of their personal freedoms. Ever. We do not live in a country that takes steps backwards. We do not live among so many people that are so blindly hate-filled. We do not live in a country that supports discrimination based on minority status. We live in a country that believes in personal freedoms, and in so much as my freedoms do not harm you, I am free to act accordingly.

My marriage will not harm you. It will not harm your marriage. It will not make your children gay (they already are or are not, nothing two women holding hands can do will ever change that). It will not cause the "holy" house of over 50% divorce rate marriage to tumble. It will, however, allow me the freedoms and rights accorded to me by our country. And when someone comes along and tries to take that away from me, you better damn well believe I will put up the biggest fight you've ever seen.

The reason this fight has turned into what it has is because us GBLTs are fighting for our rights, our constitutionally afforded rights. The Scare bears are fighting for the last shred of power and authority they think they still wield. We will win though. We will be the victor in this fight because justice and truth always come out ahead of virulent lies and bigotry.

Connecticut Legalizes Same Sex Marriage!

Another state has followed in California's foot steps to legalize gay marriage through Supreme Court decision. Connecticut has become the third state in the US to legalize same sex marriage, and was the first state to institute same-sex domestic unions.

The Court's opinion:

"Like these once prevalent views, our conventional understanding of marriage must yield to a more contemporary appreciation of the rights entitled to constitutional protection. Interpreting our state constitutional provisions in accordance with firmly established equal protection principles leads inevitably to the conclusion that gay persons are entitled to marry the otherwise qualified same sex partner of their choice. To decide otherwise would require us to apply one set of constitutional principles to gay persons and another to all others. The guarantee of equal protection under the law, and our obligation to uphold that command, forbids us from doing so. In accordance with these state constitutional requirements, same sex couples cannot be denied the freedom to marry."

The state has not put a hard and fast date on when same sex couples can begin getting marriage licenses, but will announce that soon. This is only right and fair, and I hope to see more come of this!

Happy Legal Marriage In California Day

At 5:01 today, California began performing legal marriages between same-sex couples, and things were good.  This was indeed another momentous day for us.

At 5:01:01, a gay boy was harrassed, and possibly beaten, in rural mid-America.  At 5:01:02, a young lesbian girl was raped to "show her what a man felt like," in Southern US.  At 5:01:03, a transitioning male-to-female transgendered person was denied a job.

This is truly a great day to celebrate, and we need to acknowledge every advance we get, but don't forget that there is still plenty more left to do!

Open Letter To Crazy Christians

Dear Crazy Christians,

I'm over it. Completely and totally over it. There was a time when I was sympathetic to the cause of family values and freedom from over-zealous legislators. But that time has passed, washed away faster than it came. And let me tell you why:

You are bat shit insane. Completely. Not all of you, but that rabid Conservative Machine that governs you actions and thoughts, you know, the one that acts like the Catholic Church of old with your various Cardinals and Popes (Dobson, All the twits on 700 Club, etc.). Yep, those ones. You mean to tell me that it is within your jurisdiction to hate? At all? Ever? Really? I'm probably not the first person to point this out, and sure I won't be the last, but your message of intolerance and bigotry is... well, kinda ridiculous and hypocritical.

I know, I've kinda been one to focus on details instead of the bigger picture many times. I'm guilty of that too. But, in reality, the bigger picture of love and peaceful coexistence is pretty much exactly the point you're missing. Love for all and everyone. But there's that little quote there in this book you hold tight to all the time, isn't there? A few of them? Cool, cool, I get it, but there's plenty more, in that same book, that explain why just about everything you do is ass-backwards.

I for one am tired of your bigotry and fevered hatred. I'm over it. You really need to stop hating and fighting, because, let's be honest, the only reason you fight gay rights is because it's a pissing match for you. Here in the states, the minority are protected from the tyranny of the majority by things like a court system. What's really ironic about that is that idea was originally instated to protect the churches from the tyranny of those of us who think you are bat shit insane and would prefer to never see your organizations around again. How quickly the tables turn though. Once you taste power, you go for the fucking throat as if you have a "moral majority" and can affect change.

Well, too fucking bad. Us Gays are going to keep fighting, and we're going to win. Because we're absolutely in the right, and you are obviously insane. So, for your own sake, I'd back the fuck off the gay rights and marriage issues, because in the end you'll lose, not just the fight but money and supporters. As people see you for what you really are, bigoted ass hats hiding behind a pretense of religious vigor, they'll flock. They already are, but it's going to get worse. I'm not hating, I am judging, but in the end, I'm just Gaying...


(Please, feel free to leave your thoughts and additions in the comments)

McCain Proves He's Not Funny, Barney Frank Agrees

So Johnny Boy decides that it's time to show the country that he's "lovable" and "just-like-us" and all that bull sh*t politicians try to do every election cycle, and he goes on Saturday Night Live to prove.... well, that he's not really that funny (catch the clip below).  In fact, he tried to make a joke about "gaydar" needing to be left to the states and not the federal government, even though when a state makes that decision for itself, he doesn't believe they should be allowed to make that decision...

And it appears that Barney Frank agrees.  McCain isn't funny.  And just to clarify what McCain is, Frank put it this way:

In every other area, McCain has a consistent voting record against our efforts. In 1996, the only time the Senate voted on the Employment Nondiscrimination Act, McCain was one of those who voted no. He has also consistently voted against extending hate crimes protection to gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender individuals.
…
Given the alignment of Supreme Court Justices, and their ages, it is virtually certain that if John McCain is president, he will appoint justices who will overturn the Lawrence decision and the leading Supreme Court opponent of fair treatment for gay and lesbian people, Antonin Scalia, will gain allies from McCain’s appointments.

McCain Yucking It Up....

France Loves The Gays, Gambia Wants Us Worse Than Dead

It was an interesting day in the International field of Gay Rights.  Over in France, the Human Rights Minister Rama Yade announced that the French government will pressure the UN to decriminalize homosexuality throughout the world.  Many countries *cough*IRAN*cough* still think that it's perfectly fun an wonderful to kill gay people for shigiggles, whereas countries like France and Spain have taken strong steps to enforce human rights for GLBT people, including full marriage rights. 

Unfortunately, when you get good news from forward minded people, there is inevitably a "special person" waiting to speak.  Today, that person was Gambian President Yahya Jammeh, who has decided that even the death penalty the Iranian government imposes on homosexuals is too light.  Jammeh has pledged to, at a minimum, cut off the head of any gay people in his country.  Well, there  goes that vacation plan...

It's great to see entire governments taking up the Rainbow Banner, and I have to imagine that the pressure France is planning to put on the UN will influence a few countries to step out of the Dark Ages.  Now, if we can convince the US Government to get on board with equality initiatives, we might start to see an even greater positive effect.

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California Supreme Court Overturns Gay Marriage Ban

'Bout GD time someone pulled their head out of their arse! Today, the California Supreme Court overturned the states ban on same sex marriage. Yeah, I know, everyone else seems to be talking about the legal implications and the possibility of a stronger US Supreme Court case, but give me a break. This is basic human rights and constitutionality. I could care less about your pithy religious beliefs, or "how you were raised," no one has the right to determine for me my sexual and/matrimonial preferences.

A few weeks ago, the lovable Mildred Loving passed away. For those that don't recognize the name, Mildred Loving was the name behind the case Loving v Virginia, which was the case that once and for all determined that it is, in fact, perfectly wonderful for people of different ethnicities to marry. Today, to almost all of us, it just seems silly that a white boy couldn't marry a black girl, or that a Hispanic boy couldn't marry an Asian girl. The case freed us to marry the person we love... with one powerful exception. If it happened to be a white boy that wanted to marry a African-American boy, well, that just wasn't right.

In June of last year, Loving wrote a note about the anniversary of her landmark case:

"The older generation's fears and prejudices have given way, and today's
young people realize that if someone loves someone they have a right to
marry...I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their
sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom
to marry. Government has no business imposing some people's religious
beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people's civil rights."

I can't help but wonder when the rest of this great Country is going to figure this out? Is it simply that they have not suffered enough adversity that they show no sympathy? Is it because some aspect of areligion they believe, the same aspect that has rotted and festered into a cancer on the religion, tells them that it is "not right?"

Sadly, I don't really have the answer to those questions. But what I do know is that things are changing, and they're changing at an ever-increasing pace. People in my generation have an overwhelmingly affirmative view of sexuality and the fluid nature of human emotion. People in the older generation are starting to realize that they will soon have to rely on our kindness for their well-being. Thank you, California, for this next step. I'm sure that there will be opposition, but just as sure as I am of that, I am even more sure that we have righteous strength behind us and we will not be stopped!

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