I finally forced myself to watch the new Ted Haggard documentary on HBO last night. When I say forced, I mean that it was on, nothing else was really on, and I thought it would be an interesting study in the deterioration of human sanity caused by religious fanaticism. Given my history with religious fundamentalism, I'm not completely surprised by hypocrites in leadership roles, but Haggard was a particularly egregious offender. Someone that tows the line of "gays are evil and going to Hell, and can be converted," yet spends his time having sex with male volunteers (some underage) and meth-addicted male prostitutes (and even more time covering them all up) is intriguing in a purely macabre way.
The Rise and Fall of Ted Haggard, which was directed by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi's daughter, focused on Haggard's life after the scandal. Somehow, in the whole news frenzy over this man's sex life I never realized he had two teenaged boys. I knew he had a naïve wife, but adding the kids to the equation makes Haggard's whole story just that much more sick and twisted.
According to the Haggards, they were chased out of town when the scandal with Mike Jones (the previously mentioned meth-addicted prostitute) broke. Since then, they've been travelling across the country with a U-Haul packed full of their things, the family motorcycle and the family car in tow. Various people across the country had offered up their house or rooms for the family on the run, and when that failed, they would move into a hotel for a time. Since they were cut off from the wealth Haggard built as a "man of god," the family was forced into what amounts to begging for cash from friends and family while Ted went back to school (at the University of Phoenix…because that was the only place that would accept him…) and tried to work as a door-to-door salesman (because it was the only job he could get). Showing all of this is, I suppose, meant to instill a sense of compassion in the viewer. In my eyes though, it only showed the depth of denial and sickness in the Haggard family.
To begin with, the idea that Ted feels he can be "cured" of The Gay is preposterous. According to him, the root of his Gay goes back to some sex play he had with another boy when he was 7. When I heard him say this, I couldn't help but think of Ru Paul in But I'm A Cheerleader forcing all the young queers to admit to their root so they can be cured. Apparently, that's not too far off the mark for these "pray away the gay" programs, which in Haggard's case only lasted 4 weeks. 50 years of wanting to be with a man magically cured in 4 weeks. These evangelicals never stop amazing me at the depth of their unwillingness to believe in reality.
Then we get to his wife. This is a woman that made a conscious decision to say that she can continue on in a marriage with a man that by day was a preacher of all things holy, and by night was a sucker of all things filled with meth and paid for by the hour. This is a woman that looked at all of these things and said that she was aware of "his sickness" but not of the depth of it. She stays with him because he's ill, essentially, and she can make him better, because gosh darn it, the Bible tells her so! It truly saddened me that she would subject herself to the torture of being with him, and all the humiliation that came with it, all because of an irrational belief in an unsupported belief structure.
Then there were the kids. While the documentary did not focus on the boys much, I have to wonder what will come down the road for these guys. Their name will be associated with the sins of their father for years to come, and they are forced to face ridicule for what he did every day of their lives. Will they get a chance to break away from their family and start fresh, or will they be forced to take their father's path of religious study? Has this ordeal changed their opinions on life?
I'm not good at hiding my contempt for a guy like Ted Haggard, I'm sure that's plainly clear at this point. It's one thing to enjoy a life of sex outside of marriage, meth, and male prostitutes, but it's an entirely different thing when you enjoy that life yet spend most of your time denouncing all of those things. And now he still denounces those things. I have more respect (not mush more, but still more) for people that live a hedonistic lifestyle then convert than people like Haggard who attempt to live both simultaneously. It seems clear to me that the man is mentally ill, which is a completely separate issue from his obvious gayness. The Gay is simply the mechanism he's using to cover up his insanity, which is infuriating to me because The Gay is nothing to be ashamed of, yet this man makes it seem like it's the root of all his problems. No, Mr. Haggard, your problem is that you are a total nut job who is able to live his life in denial at every step. In denial of your religious convictions while having sex with a man, in denial of your marriage while participating in extra marital sex, in denial of your true sexuality while preaching against it. That is a sign of true madness, yet people are willing to over look that because he's an Evangelical.
Add to all that the recent revelations of other boys he played with and the bribery and bullying associated with those guys, and you have the perfect picture of a completely mad man. That his family and friends still stick by him is truly amazing. His wife is right, he does need help, but not the help that she can provide. He needs the help that only many years of professional psychology can provide. To top this off with a tinge of irony, Ted is studying for his Masters in Counseling… good luck with that.
To sum up, the documentary itself was well done, but the subject matter is sickening.
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