The Geeks Conundrum: A Follow Up

My story a couple days ago seemed to resonate with people. My readers appeared to either understand my conundrum or they believed I wad the problem in the story or that the story itself was offensive. Since I've always believed that it is not the offender that gets to decide if his/her actions are offensive, I'll take my readers at word that they were offended or hurt by my words and offer an apology. I'd also like to offer a further examination of the subject. It's quite possible that I am the problem in this equation, but as with most things there is more going on than can be presented in one story, so I'll extend the conversation a bit so we can get some more perspective.

Just The Facts, Ma'am

I'd like to present a few more facts about the situation, as it appears that I did not describe the whole ordeal in enough detail.

My friend and his friend were invited to play as part of this group. My good friend asked me to come along because he knows how much I like pen and paper RPGs, but I let him know that it would be impossible for me to get to the event by the chosen start time but that I would like to go as an observer. I had not played a game of 4th edition yet, so this would provide me the opportunity to learn the game a bit, and would allow myself and the group to get acquainted with one another to see if there was enough chemistry for me to play with this group.

When I arrived an hour and a half after the designated start time, I did two things: introduced myself to the table and asked if they were ok with an observer. The dungeon master said that was ok by him, and the table of players did not return my introduction by introducing themselves. I did not create a character or participate in the narrative of the game.

The game began 30-45 minutes later after the players that had arrived prior to me finished creating their characters and the DM had reviewed them and made his notes. My friend was under the impression that they would start playing at the designated "start" time, but I told him that in many games things will start later, especially in the first session, as players need to fine tune their selections with the DM and the DM addresses any issues or makes adjustments to the story as needed.

The start time was given as 6:30. By 10:00, my friend needed to leave so he could get some rest. I was asked by the group if I'd like to take over a character (my friend's or one of the DM's creations), but I declined as I also needed to get home for some rest. This is when we received the scolding from the DM. While his leaving did disrupt the session, and my unwillingness to take over his character (even though that was by no means part of the plan) did not help the session, he had already participated for 3.5 hours. We should have clarified prior to starting how long the sessions typically last, but I also feel that was a missed communication in both directions.

Stereotypes Are Stereotypically Vicious

So the question arises: why bother bringing stereotypes into the mix? Being a guy that falls into many categories for which negative stereotypes abound, why even breach that subject?

Perhaps it would have been best to describe each person without bringing up the idea of stereotypes. Perhaps it would be simply better to allow the reader to come to their own conclusion about these players and if they fit the gamer stereotype. Perhaps. But I think in any case, some readers would have been offended. I am not above fallacy nor am I a person that believes I am better than anyone else. Unfortunately I am a person that has had an experience that plays into stereotypes. But perhaps their is a reason that my gaming sessions to date have fallen into these tropes more often than some others have experienced.

Are all gamers stereotyped messes? Of course not. Many gamers are socially well adjusted and understand the value of personal hygiene. As one commenter pointed out, gamers have come a long way toward mainstream acceptance, but I should point out that doesn't mean that every member of the gaming populace has followed along in that journey. Just as the LGBT population has moved to more "mainstream" ideas of monogamy, home building and raising children, not every queer person is on board with that. Does the move toward mainstream devalue the opinion of those still in the niche? Nope. It does point out their stark difference to the mainstream though. It's neither a good or a bad thing, but it is a noticeable thing.

So… What Was The Point Then?

I simply wasn't trying to make a "look at all these geeks" post. At the conclusion of the post I stated that I realized I did not fit in with this crowd, and that I felt that the best way for me to get a game of Dungeons and Dragons going that I would enjoy is to surround myself with people like myself. People whom I know I could enjoy playing the game with because we all have a similar perspective. You know, otherwise known as friends.

My gaming outlets to date have mostly been at events such as the one I attended Monday night. Most of my friends are not in to gaming, so in my mind, finding groups like this was the best way to get into gaming. But if I'm running into the same problem over and over again, perhaps the problem isn't the situations, but the problem is me?

Well, maybe. But just as possibly the problem is the nature of these meetings. If you've ever played an MMOG (Massively Multiplayer Online Game… think World of Warcraft), you are probably familiar with the term PUG (pick up group). PUGs share a few common complaints experienced by most players and heard round the blogosphere on a daily basis: people are anti-social, rude, only out for themselves, don't know what they are doing, etc. No one likes to PUG, but they do it because that is what they feel is their only option. It's the same way with these pen and paper games in the real world. No one totally enjoys the experience of meeting up with random strangers for a gaming session, but we love the game enough that we are willing to put up with some discomfort to play our games.

It dawned on me that the problem was everyone at the table. I'm sure some of the players did look at me as if I was some contemptuous punk interrupting their time, just as I looked at them with some wonderment and uncomfortableness. I then asked myself why I would continue to subject myself to these situations that I clearly don't enjoy rather than creating an environment that I do enjoy.

Right. Where Are We Then?

So I'm now at a point where I know that what is best for everyone involved in that game is that my group of friends start our own game and search within our friend base for other players. Maybe we can get some people we never thought would play to participate, or maybe it will be just us for a while. I learned a while ago that I really only cared to play in LGBT-friendly guilds in MMOGs, and that I really only cared to play with friends when I play online shooters for many of the same reasons that I've realized about table-top gaming, it's just now that I realize it about table top gaming I think I will be a much happier person. And the people that I've previously tried to spark up games with will be as well.

Not everyone is compatible in this world. It's a sad fact. We, of course, should all be congenial, but compatibility is a much harder quality to come by. In all things, we should be searching for those we are compatible with. It makes life much easier.